My UFO (unbelievably fabulous observations)

[hoosiermama]

Painful moments in parenting...I believe I am now officially the mother of an adolescent. D14 came home from 5 days at Frank's, after her audition, with some fun stories about all they had done, and a request to spend more extended periods with her dad...and gf and her "new grandparents" (gf's parents, apparently very nice, very wealthy, very generous folks). We spent the evening getting things prepared for the Chicago trip, which begins early tomorrow morning, making some dinner, making banana bread, and trying to set up our new DVD player (the old one quit awhile back). Predictably, I couldn't get the thing working correctly; too many connections and plugs and cords and everything else (TV, cable box, CD player) is fine but can't get the discs to play on the TV. I finally gave up around 11 pm, went into the kitchen and accidentally knocked over a glass, and all hell broke loose. She started screaming at me; this has never happened before. Nothing works at our house, I don't have any friends I can call to come help us, we can't ever do anything because we don't have enough money, I need to stop being crazy (!?) and then--just hysterical crying but wouldn't tell me why. I ended up just going to bed and leaving her to cry it out while I did the same. This evening I'll come home, make dinner, take her to Bible Study, pack her up, and then send her off to Chicago in the morning. Not a lot of time there to try to iron this out, whatever it is.

I know this is probably just adolescent angst and probably overdue...but I feel like I'm losing her. I don't blame her for being frustrated about these things; I'm equally frustrated about the same things, about struggling for so long and having to say "no" too often. Things were supposed to be getting easier financially, but it's slow because I have to catch up in many areas...and things continue to break down, it's just the nature of home ownership. No doubt life with Dad looks pretty attractive right now, no doubt I look like the one with the chaotic life to her. I hate trying to "do it all" and coparent with someone with less maturity than our teenage daughter...but who has friends and support and family and...a life. Two years later I'm trying to put it all together and I'm not sure I'm doing such a great job of it. I keep thinking of all the opportunities she could have if we were still an intact family and I feel like such a failure.