Stuck and don't know how to proceed

[twolf]

You need to let him go into his emptyness and rediscover that he wants and needs you.

I.M.H.O this is the only way your going to get him back.

Let him text you dont answer his texts wait a day or two and dont be their for him. Keep it light like "sorry ive been busey i will try to get back to you later ive been busy.

Then just keep it at that!

Dont take his phone calls.

Make him stand on his own two feet for a while.

Make him be the one to think you dont know what you got till its gone.

Do YOU want a freind or do you want a marrige where you have everything?

[sportsfan]

Thanks for the reinforcement twolf. I needed that. I have told my closest friends what I'm doing and they agree that I need to step back and that he needs to miss me.

[twolf]

How far are you willing to go to get the results that you want?


A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single foot step.

Are you prepaird to finsh the journey to get what you want?

[sportsfan]

I don't know at this point. Taking it a day at a time. I have so much at stake. What else do I need to do now or in the near future? Examples?

[twolf]

stop the contacting back and forth for starters.

go dark or dim.

Know that you are not trying to get rid of him you just want him back. Its been TWO YEARS

Make him feel the loss of what life would be with out you.



Once you go dark for a while like a month i bet he will give you a hug like you want. You need to learn to DETACH.

You have to make him work at it your both like a couple of drug addics feeding each others addictions.

One of you has to get clean and i dont think he is on these board!

[sportsfan]

I understand and I do need to detach. Yes, we have been separated for two years, but he has only been without the OW since last fall. It started when he left two years ago. For the record, H doesn't have access to a computer, so I know he isn't on these boards. He does, however, have a copy of DB. I doubt he has read it though.

I just remembered something H gave me for Christmas last year. It was a list of what love means to him. Things like holding hands, texting just to say thinking of you or love you, going for long walks, etc.

I think that's where the texting back and forth started. We joke, say funny out-of-the-blue things, etc. We have exchanged serious comments as well, although in the last several months I have been avoiding all R talk. Have kept things light and pressure-free. Trying to DB, you know.

[twolf]

I think you need to go back and look at the stich from day one that you posted. You need to look at what you posted that you wanted and what was bothering You.

[sportsfan]

I guess I need to look at the big picture, huh? Remember why I'm doing this. Thanks again twolf. I'm glad your WAW has postponed your D. I sincerely hope it turns around for you and everyone else here.

[twolf]

I was a wreck before i found this site. On my stich im still learning to detach.

It does get better, trust me. Ive come to the point that if it happens it happens. Butt i will allyays know that i fought for my marrige and family.

Ive had some great advice and you have to keep rereading your on stich from day one to get more prespective about your self and to use it as a jornal.

So you dont fall back into the old patterns that did not work.

Thank you and god bless you!

[sportsfan]

I blew it today. I got VIP tix to a major event this afternoon. Sent H a text to see if he wanted to join me. We had talked about this event a couple of weeks ago. He replied. Thanks, but sorry, no. People on vacation and we are just swamped.

I responded, K - Too bad.

That was it. I am going to go anyway of course. I have a gut feeling that going dim/dark is going to backfire on me. I can't explain why. I already have a life, but now it feels more empty. My emotions feel all over the place this week.