I should have sought first to understand - why would he be claiming to be younger, thinner, etc. - he is in pain from his own lack of self esteem.
Yes, he is in pain and if you can show him compassion, that's great. You may not be able to yet. If not, pretend. One of the difficulties in "understanding" them esp early on, is that you hang on every word and go over and over it in your head looking for something, anything you can interpret in your favor.
I would also say that you need to understand you. If you journal at all, that might be helpful.
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I don't want to be REACTIVE, especially not OVER REACTIVE! I want to be thoughtful, in control of my own reactions.
The only way to get here is practice. If you can have something you say to yourself (in your head if he's around) that has you close your mouth about something you don't want to react to, use it. My was simple..."shut up, shut up, shut up". Now, if something comes up, I can listen and while a mushroom shaped cloud maybe going off in my head, I can usually come back with "I need to think about that, I'll get back to you".
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I am scared - scared of failing / failing everyone, failing my husband, failing my kids.
I remeber a phone call I made to an old friend one night (in an absolute panic) about failure. Her comment was that I couldn't fail anyone, not if I gave the best of myself in that moment. That doesn't mean that that "best" can't be improved upon, but in order to do that you have to really pay attention to what you're doing, feeling and why. That has allowed me to really focus on my interactions with everybody and I have to say I am quite proud of the changes I have made.
You can do this. I can hear the strength even through the pain.
