Stuck and don't know how to proceed

[sportsfan]

Commitment is the ultimate goal, yes. For the last nine months I have tried to draw him back to me by being me. The person I love being. I didn't want him to move back in just yet, but I wanted to be a couple again. I thought we could work out a plan with the MC (his IC now) to slowly reconcile.

I figured when H realized that I am the same girl he fell in love with over 20 years ago, we could rekindle the intimacy and connection. That we would start becoming physical again (holding hands, kissing, etc.) to further reconnect the loving feelings.

Since the A with the OW2 didn't die a natural death, I feel like I'm competing with a fantasy (probably a reality in H's mind) and I can't win.

It's funny you mention control. That is something I know. I tended during the M to be controlling. In fact, years ago H told me that if I were a man, I'd have big b*lls. Ironic.