To Kerry...that's funny. I copied and pasted that profile to show, what I thought, was a woman in MLC. But hey.....I've been known to be wrong.
Secondly, XW asked me to watch the kids tonite longer than usual because she was going out after work.
Finally, I am failing somewhere. D7 was playing in her corner in the family room tonite and she began to cry. She said to me that "this place doesn't feel like my home anymore." I carried her upstairs and tried to support her but I felt like crap. I'm failing somewhere. My sister said that I need to organize her stuff more. I don't think that's it. The kids rooms are empty. They need beds and mattresses. However, I don't think that's it. My nephews come over from across the street and the 3 boys play video games. I think she might feel excluded despite the fact that I buy stuff to do with her , eg, make candy, arts and crafts, etc.
Maybe it's just transition. I don't know. I can tell when I pick up kids that XW is feathering the house she has rented. My son is OK here. Maybe I'm overreading. I don't know. Something was off with D7. Perhaps, she just connects more with a woman now?
Bleh.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
You're "mind reading" the d7 FIB....she is sad b/c the family isn't together anymore and the home reminds her of that (and 10 to 1 ex said "it's NOT home anymore"...) but yeah, if the boys are all playing then she needs 1 on 1 with you AND OR whatever she had before, (minus batchitt ex w...) Any females in the area she played with before? Any friends with girls OR boys who are her age she could play with? Didn't she play soccer too? I mean she's not fully 100% girlie Barbie doll, right? My girls each had at least one male friend who played games and outdoor things for a long time. It's not impossible. Include her with the son and his friends. And you...got "Rock Band"? YOU can play that too, btw...we actually played online with our son in NYC on Father's Day, so we were all "virtually" all together...
it'll be better. But I love that you wonder what you can do better. But I worry you are over reacting, and guilting yourself, (which I always thought was a Catholic thing)...
(( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Why not get the kids beds and mattresses? After all you need them now and in the future. And why not let the kids be part of the process.. something they own.. like picking out the colors and themes. It's a new life for them, too. And having a choice is exciting.
Listen to your sister, try what she suggests. She's someone who knows and loves your kids. The worse thing that can happen is that it doesn't work.. but at least you tried.
I felt like I'd destroyed promises I made when the kids were young and growing up with the divorce. It ripped me apart. I even had a $1000 meltdown (the cost of lawyer's time) when I couldn't do a fourway with the lawyers and divorcing spouse because they mentioned two households. That day I learned what the word paroxysms meant. Sucks.
My personal grief colored how I reacted to the kids needs. I learned to respond to their needs, that their feelings were far different than mine. They were moving forward, I was mired.
You got the absolute best settlement possible. You have a mother who is increasing the time you have with the kids. I think this is where the true PMA kicks in because you're no longer 'surviving'.. you're rebuilding.. plotting a new journey.
Do what you've always done. Be the dad. You don't need the perfect answer. Validate what they feel. Reassure that you'll always be there, that they're the most incredible kids in the world.
Sometimes the best 'fix' is listening.
You can't change the past, but you can make a bouquet of all the positives and move forward.
To Kerry...that's funny. I copied and pasted that profile to show, what I thought, was a woman in MLC. But hey.....I've been known to be wrong.more with a woman now?
I was serious about the profile being a good one. I re-read it and the lady sure does not sound MLC to me. I think she has a great attitude about what makes a good relationship. Did you find her pictures attractive?
Here is a bit from the profile of one I emailed and talked with but never met...
Quote:
I have had good relationships and bad relationships, but I think I finally have this whole thing figured out: find someone with whom I am compatible, where there is chemistry but also friendship, who shares some of my interests, and who has left their baggage at the door.
I am kind, nice, driven, a bit of a neat freak. I am open to new adventures and want to live my life instead of watching it pass me by. I am a sucker for romance and love the small gestures versus the grand ones. I want someone who is comfortable giving and receiving affection. I don't like huge egos - the devilish side of me seeks to deflate those types. I think of myself as shy deep, deep down but none of my friends agree because I am outgoing (but not in an obnoxious way).
I love to laugh and do so easily. I can be a bit of a goof and will make a fool of myself in public to make my daughter or someone else close to me laugh.
I am looking for a true partner - someone who is able to give of themselves freely and without too many reservations.
Daughters are not the same as sons, right FIB? The fact that you care and notice is a sign to me that you will find a way to make home with you a comfortable place for both your children.
It takes time to figure this out.
By all means, even though you will be leaving the house at some point, find a way to make a place for each of the kids. I know things are probably tight financially, but do what you can, and make sure they help in picking things out.
This is a tough time too my friend. Transition. A new way of doing things. And understand that there may well simply be times when one or the other of your young ones simply is feeling the change. Be Dad.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
