I have my story listed on the newcomer's thread so I won't go into all of it here. I'm just having a really difficult time determining if there is OW in my sitch with my H. I've been burned before, so my first instinct is always to think OP is involved in marital problems. If I had to say, I would not say my H is having PA but maybe EA. He has done this before - an online thing, but that was like 13 years ago. Now, I believe it could be with an old girlfriend, thanks to Facebook. I do not think it is the cause of our problems, if so, but the effects perhap. H has a history of not dealing with things head on but looking outside to solve his issues. I asked him point blank if there was OW and of course, he said no when he first dropped the ILYBNILWY bomb. He blamed all our issues on me and said he did not enjoy being with me at all anymore. Well, I have to say, I did deserve some of that blame. I was a depressed person who was consumed with my 3 kids to the point of not taking care of myself. I'm changing that now. H said it was easy to see why I would want to blame OW rather than looking inward as to why there were problems.
Anyway - in the middle of the biggest fights since the bomb, H mistakenly sent me a text by mistake that he meant for an old girlfriend - reminiscing about sex. I was furious and confronted him. He said he was moving out anyway and therefore, while childish, not a big deal. Several discussions (and my DBing) later, he started sleeping in the bedroom again. (Was sleeping in office several nights during the big fight.) A huge email discussion later I told him if he wanted out, to leave...that love must be free. That if he wanted an open marriage, leave. I was not going to live in the same house with him if he wanted to pursue inappropriate relationships. He didn't leave. Since then, I've been GAL and things have been pleasant - for the most part. On another thread about sex, I explained how we have still been ML on a somewhat regular basis. He initiates. However, it has been pretty detached. He is not saying ILY anymore - and not showing me any affection at all when he is home or we are spending time together. There has been no more discussions about our R. Anything we discuss is usually about him, not about me... and I'm not even getting hugs any longer. No kissing during sex lately either.
When all this first came about, I suspected MLC or A or both. I still don't think it's a PA if there is an affair, because he has been home consistently and not even going out for a beer after work, which he sometimes does (and I'm fine with). My biggest area of suspicion is actually when he goes out jogging at night. He can be gone for a long time...and yet, when he used to come home he'd be soaked (sweat) and not a lot of sweat these days. Doesn't even shower when he comes in. I guess he could be meeting up with someone...or perhaps, he's just walking instead of running. He always has his cellphone with him.
I've read the various snooping forums. I wish I could actually do this. Both his laptop and his cell are through work, so I don't have any access to records. His laptop is password protected. I've snooped in the past - which is how I caught him 13 years ago with the cyber-affair. This time, I don't see any way of doing it. With his business, there's a lot of emails/texts/calls involved, so he has always kept his cellphone on him or right near him. Having said that, if there was something going on, I think he'd be smart enough to delete evidence.
I guess I could always try to follow him when he went out jogging...but A. the kids would know and might say something and B. I couldn't keep up. Besides, aren't we supposed to act like we don't care by detaching???
I truly feel like others have expressed - it's best to know what you're dealing with in order to combat it. I'd rather know than sit here with these suspicions! I just don't see any way of finding out for sure. Maybe I'm being paranoid, but maybe not.
Sorry to here your stich, foor the snooping im shure, puppy dog tais will give you a hand . Read some of his back posts that helped me allot.
Should get Some advice from Allen as well .....
These guys have been great.
Me 37 Waw 32 son2 bomb 8/11/09 O/M 12/25/09 Divorce filed 8/25/09 divorce finale 6/16/10 Divorce putt on hold 6/16/10 Divorce postponed STBXW idea 8/8/10
I don't seem to be getting many replies. Can someone help me out? Is my post too long? Too hard to get through? Just curious as I didn't have a lot of replies on my original thread either. :-(
Is your husband going through deppresion or having trouble at work.
Men love to be subdusied by their wifes have you tryed that?
Could the text he sent to this Possibble O/W been a fake text to get you to be more into you persuing him.
As a mind game?
Me 37 Waw 32 son2 bomb 8/11/09 O/M 12/25/09 Divorce filed 8/25/09 divorce finale 6/16/10 Divorce putt on hold 6/16/10 Divorce postponed STBXW idea 8/8/10
Is your husband going through deppresion or having trouble at work.
Men love to be subdusied by their wifes have you tryed that?
Could the text he sent to this Possibble O/W been a fake text to get you to be more into you persuing him.
As a mind game?
He could be depressed - no work problems. He's done the classics: lost weight (started jogging) and wanted new clothes - talking about needing a different life for himself. I figured it was MLC since he's 40 now.
I really don't think that would be a fake text! That would be awfully bold considering how he knows how I am about these things! Interesting thought though.
As for the seduction - I understand that. BUT...are we not supposed to be detached and uninterested? Isn't that pursuing which we don't want to do to be DBing??? That's what is so confusing!
What did you do 13 yrs ago? Besides confronting your H, did you make any changes? Did he have any problems breaking it off with OM?
I did confront him and he broke it off right away although, in that instance, it was not someone he knew in real life. I don't recall making a lot of big changes but I did lose weight and care more about my physical appearance after that. He didn't seem to have any issues breaking it off but I did find out a year later that he was trying to contact her. Of course, he said it was just "to see how she was doing because he was worried about her - she had an abusive husband" to which I pitched a fit and promptly told him I would be gone if I found another thing from him to her or vice versa.
Have you read any threads in the MLC forum? It might be a good idea to spend some time reading there. Sounds as if he could be in MLC.
He is bored and he's trying to feel "something" by engaging in these on line A's. He blames all his unhappines on you and thinks if he could have one of those OW his life would be better.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
