OK here is the latest TM exchange that I had with WW:
This has nothing to do with OM everything to do with my controlling behavior. She just basically told me that as of now she wants nothing to do with and that she is done with me.
I told her Sorry you feel that way but I'm only trying to save our family...feel free to join me
***VERY GOOD***
Then WW said that my controlling obsessive behavior is scary and that there is no affair...he is a friend and that I'm destroying any relationship with WW that I may have.
***THIS IS WHERE IT SHOULD HAVE ENDED, WITH NO RESPONSE FROM YOU***
I am making her hate me...to which I replied: I only have love for you...to hate me is your choice
Then WW said that I have pushed her to far and she doesn't want me in her life if this is how I'm going to act...she doesn't think I want to see her happy...she has to have peace in her life...every time she is happy I knock her down...she is a strong woman and she will be successful without me
I've made it hell for her...to which I responded: your affair did that...not me...You own any negative consequences that result from your affair
WW:You are going to miss me and realize what you lost...
I told her the same thing and that we can get the good days back but it will take effort
WW: Go find someone else...someone who might like your cool earring
M: I have someone already...I've been with her for 20 years I've had a lot of compliments on my earring and I've decided that I like it WW: Then you wear it...makes me like you less
Sandi - At one point WW said "I need to decide if you are worth that" when we were discussing the boundary. I also got WW to admit that her affair was the first selfish thing she has done in her life only after I reminded her that not to long ago WW told me "I finally did something for me" and that she lied to me, our DD's and my parents so that she could spend the night in a hotel with OM which she claims nothing physical happened.
Yes, it's like she's choosing between you & OM and she's telling you that she isn't sure if you are worth giving up her other (fantasy) life.
She is bouncing all over the place b/c she's acting out of emotions....and her emotions are out of control. At this point, she really doesn't know what she wants.
I think the groveling days should be over, don't you? Never saw a man grovel and appear sexy at the same time.
Since she wants you out of her life, maybe you should stop talking so much about R and more about moving forward. With all that you've told her, she's convinced you are down on one knee (in her mind). Even if she says otherwise, she knows you still want her back. Maybe she should wonder if her prayers have been answered and you really are out of her life. Maybe going dark would be a nice change of pace.
Has any type of plan been set up for child visitation? As long as you and W are in the mist of exchanging the child, it always opens the door for R talk. Is there anyway that could be done without seeing/talking to her?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
We were supposed to be reflecting on the problems that both of us brought to the marriage and ideas to rebuild the marriage if we decide to reconcile at the end of the trial separation. Of course there were other conditions like no dating or sex during the trial separation period. I put in a stipulation that the agreement would be in effect for a set time period or until one of the parties seeks D.
Last month after I told her Dad about OM, she was absolutely livid and told me we were done...that's when WW bought "The Good Divorce" but after a couple days WW came back down to earth.
WW is not used to me sticking up for myself and I think that she is realizing that she no longer has control over me or what I do and that is driving her anger.
PDT - I know that I should have ended the TM session with WW earlier. But I've always believed that when someone is seething with rage and lobbing insults, the best thing to do is remain calm and not sling mud back. So what I was trying to do was show her love (not romantic love) in the midst of the storm. Because I'm sure she expected me to throw insults and personal jabs back at her.
Still wearing my wedding ring!
I'll look in the newcomers forum on going dark...
Last edited by loweinsd51; 06/23/1001:44 PM.
M-43 FWW-42 T 20 M 16 DD10 DD8 EA: 1/10 Informal separation: 6/11/2010 Headed for D: 7/6/2010 Piecing? 9/10/10
PDT - I know that I should have ended the TM session with WW earlier. But I've always believed that when someone is seething with rage and lobbing insults, the best thing to do is remain calm and not sling mud back.
No, the best thing to do is to END THE CONVERSATION. It's a boundary: "I will not engage in a conversation with you when you are seething with rage and lobbing insults." The remainder of your text conversation back and forth was nothing more than a combination of trying to "teach" her (and you can't teach a wayward) and simple tit-for-tat. In my opinion.
Also, I know WW has guilt because WW has told me repeatedly that she is not an awful person and that she is a good person.
A: "I agree -- if you weren't a good person, I wouldn't have married you. I respect myself too much. However, you haven't been making good DECISIONS lately, and they're destructive to our family."
No, the best thing to do is to END THE CONVERSATION. It's a boundary: "I will not engage in a conversation with you when you are seething with rage and lobbing insults." The remainder of your text conversation back and forth was nothing more than a combination of trying to "teach" her (and you can't teach a wayward) and simple tit-for-tat. In my opinion. Puppy
I see your point.
M-43 FWW-42 T 20 M 16 DD10 DD8 EA: 1/10 Informal separation: 6/11/2010 Headed for D: 7/6/2010 Piecing? 9/10/10
