On "Having a Plan," and "The Schmuck Factor"

[lostnhurt]

PDT, thank you for sharing that. Can't really thank you enough for your advice and your input. Ive only been part of this forum a few short weeks, you've had to have helped soo many people with your insight and personal experiences.

IDU, you also bring up some great points, It just amazes me that so many others are going thru the same exact thing I am going thru.

Just curious, what was the 'speech' to your W. I've already apologized, begged and pleaded when she hit me with the ILYBINILWY bomb, since then Ive just really tried to focus on myself and the kids. Its soo hard tho, and I try not to let my emotions get the better of me. I'd have to say Im probably still in the 'afraid' stage, but Im learning to stand my ground now. I can tell she tries to push my buttons for a reaction.

A perfect example, when discussing the purchase of a car for her (which we need if we stay together or not), she jumped on me for being to 'critical' of her, always second guessing what she was doing, one of our issues. I walked away, went outside, and thought about it, and when I did, I realized, all I was really doing was trying to help her, with good suggestions. I knew she would be out soon for a smoke, and sure enough she was, and I then told her that what she did was not fair to me at all, all I was doing was truly trying to help (and I was), and I said it calmly but firmly, and she apologized to me, I was kind of stunned, but it felt good. I guess my point is, I learned from that.