She has a lot to think about and that I'm showing her no reason to want to be with me when I behave this way.
I am showing her an ugly side of me, one that she doesn't want anything to do with.
I am making it hard for her to like me.
oh, and btw, don't believe any of this for a second (unless, of course, you really ARE being rude or a dikk to her). A woman will test a man, and when he caves with "Whatever you want to do, is fine with me, dear," she loses all respect for him.
Conversely, if you are standing up to your wife, and FOR yourself, for the first time, yes, she will b*tch and holler and scream, but if you DO it right . . . she will find it attractive, she will respect you, and -- since women tie their feelings of LOVE very closely with their feelings of RESPECT -- her love for you will GROW.
Don't measure what's working by what she SAYS, L51. Measure it by what she DOES -- over time.
A: "I'm really sorry you feel that way. That's certainly not my intent - to be ugly."
And then make a note to yourself to make sure she either witnesses you, or hears about you, dealing very positively (even charming) with other people, in other situations.
L51, the trick to "loving detachment" is to get BOTH halves of that equation correctly. Be strong, without being a dikk.
Puppy
Right...she has witnessed me dealing positively(and charming) with other people during her EA as that is who I really am...charming and pleasant.
M-43 FWW-42 T 20 M 16 DD10 DD8 EA: 1/10 Informal separation: 6/11/2010 Headed for D: 7/6/2010 Piecing? 9/10/10
oh, and btw, don't believe any of this for a second (unless, of course, you really ARE being rude or a dikk to her). A woman will test a man, and when he caves with "Whatever you want to do, is fine with me, dear," she loses all respect for him.
Conversely, if you are standing up to your wife, and FOR yourself, for the first time, yes, she will b*tch and holler and scream, but if you DO it right . . . she will find it attractive, she will respect you, and -- since women tie their feelings of LOVE very closely with their feelings of RESPECT -- her love for you will GROW. Puppy
No, this was all via TM and even when I've confronted her in person I have remained calm, cool, and collected. I did blow up once last month but that was the only time I've blown up during her whole EA.
This really is the first time during our whole relationship that I've stood up for myself without later apologizing to her and basically groveling. So I think that is why she is reacting the way she is.
I've remained calm and consistent when I've told WW that her affair is tearing this family apart and that I'm trying to save our family.
No, I haven't been rude, insulting, or a dikk in general through this whole ordeal.
M-43 FWW-42 T 20 M 16 DD10 DD8 EA: 1/10 Informal separation: 6/11/2010 Headed for D: 7/6/2010 Piecing? 9/10/10
Now she wants me to authorize her to move her cell phone to a private line.
Tell her something along the lines of "as long as you pay for it out of your personal funds but not one dime of our family funds will go to funding your affair with OM"
M-43 FWW-42 T 20 M 16 DD10 DD8 EA: 1/10 Informal separation: 6/11/2010 Headed for D: 7/6/2010 Piecing? 9/10/10
Now she wants me to authorize her to move her cell phone to a private line.
Tell her something along the lines of "as long as you pay for it out of your personal funds but not one dime of our family funds will go to funding your affair with OM"
Close.
"Yes, I agree, this would be best and I was going to discuss it with you anyway, as I decided that I will no longer allow our family funds to be used for you to carry on your affair. Please make arrangements to pay for this new plan out of your own personal funds. -- L51"
OK here is the latest TM exchange that I had with WW:
This has nothing to do with OM everything to do with my controlling behavior. She just basically told me that as of now she wants nothing to do with and that she is done with me.
I told her Sorry you feel that way but I'm only trying to save our family...feel free to join me
Then WW said that my controlling obsessive behavior is scary and that there is no affair...he is a friend and that I'm destroying any relationship with WW that I may have.
I am making her hate me...to which I replied: I only have love for you...to hate me is your choice
Then WW said that I have pushed her to far and she doesn't want me in her life if this is how I'm going to act...she doesn't think I want to see her happy...she has to have peace in her life...every time she is happy I knock her down...she is a strong woman and she will be successful without me
I've made it hell for her...to which I responded: your affair did that...not me...You own any negative consequences that result from your affair
WW:You are going to miss me and realize what you lost...
I told her the same thing and that we can get the good days back but it will take effort
WW: Go find someone else...someone who might like your cool earring
M: I have someone already...I've been with her for 20 years I've had a lot of compliments on my earring and I've decided that I like it WW: Then you wear it...makes me like you less
M-43 FWW-42 T 20 M 16 DD10 DD8 EA: 1/10 Informal separation: 6/11/2010 Headed for D: 7/6/2010 Piecing? 9/10/10
