I lied! I told H i brought the papers to family court since he wouldnt pick them up. He kept saying if that is your priority... you should be worrying about your son, not a D.
I told him i did it for closure! I needed to let go and detach.
Now one of two things: -H is calling my Bluff! He knows I would never... -H is happy I did it.
If I say to H I am detaching and creating boundaries and truly letting go he gets all flustered and upset!
He said today, I told you there was an ounce of me that thought the papers were a mistake and that things could be different between us. I asked is there an ounce of you that thinks you would ever want to work things out... he said yes. just not right now!
So I said a couple of things: -maybe you are right and we are not meant to be -maybe a divorce is what we need to move on w/ our lives -maybe you are right and instead of working on US, we should see other people -i deserve someone to love me completely -i think we should both start dating other people -I deserve to be in a happy relationship -son deserves a step dad to wake up and put him to bed every night (H wants to stay here when S is born) -We were never meant to be
I also said that I think you never loved me the way a man should love a woman. I think you thought you loved me and you loved our life togetehr as friends, my family, our friends, our goals and dreams, and so on... but he wasnt in love withme. And I think he knew for a while he didnt truly love me and bottled it up and tried to deny the feeling. I think he wanted to get me pregnant thinking it would make him love me or want to stay and possible could make him fall in love with me. And yet when we announced we were pregnant he told his best friend he was leaving me. He had ants in his pants and couldnt stay still. He just had to leave! I still think he had an EA b/c why would he twitch to leave so quickly! I think he realized even a baby couldnt make him want to be with me so he left.
His answer... you know all the answers. You should write a book on love, you think you know everything! You have it all figured out!
But he doesnt say otherwise! He swears he loved me. just not anymore? I DONT BUY IT!
