Hey Frank, sorry this is so hard for you regarding the kids. I pray that it changes in the future. For now, try to enjoy them when you have them and store up those memories. And keep busy when you dont.
As far as dating, I think you need to take a breath and just relax after everything you have gone through. There will be plenty of time for dating in the future.
It must have been interesting sticking your toe in the dating pool. Just as predators can sense blood with vulnerable women, so can women attune to fresh meat. Although predators prey, women snag.. after all the numbers are against them.
And this doesn't mean all women or men.. just a behavior I've noticed over time.
One guy I know never did dating services.. just went out of his way to meet and greet people.. at Starbucks, a smile during the day, learning body language and subtle hints that say more than words.
Like one poster said.. you're recovering from a long term agonizing battle. Let yourself heal.
Personally.. I think that 'man time' might be good. Hang out with guy friends... fathers of the kids you coach. Invite them (and spouses) for a team BBQ.. or something.. a dip in the pool if you have one.
It's no longer about a surviving a vindictive spouse.. it's about emerging as the man you are... becoming whole.
Plus, so help me, if you tell a woman you are a doctor and marry a batchitt nut who wants the money she thinks SHE's entitled to, I'll....be forced to consume an inanimate object..[b][b].so, save my colon and be careful and discreet and slow the heck down!! [/b]. [/b]No offense FIB, but I can't see how you'd be ready for a healthy R with a healthy woman now anyway. If I met you (and did not know your history from here) wouldn't you at some early point (b/c the pain is all SO NEW FOR YOU) tell me of your sitch and ex? Well guess what? That would freak me out! I'd be sad for you (not super attractive but possibly if she's the rescuing type) and I'd look for bombs under my car and drive different ways to work if a guy told me his ex was like yours....so HEAL and recover and leave memories of HER far in your mental past... THEN go back in the dating water. It'll be warmer, we promise.
You're a good catch and there are great women out there. You WILL find one. We all somehow know this. Soon you will too. See you in the alt universe. (( ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
kml...all initially contacted me. ALL of them have. My email was flooded was I first signed on.F
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Hi all....I agree. I am not renewing my membership. One month was enough. I can see where kml is going with this. I didn't have to do any work. The emails flooded me. I think I will just 'meet and greet' the last few 'requests' to have coffee and then just relax.
All my body parts are still working but the years of playing sports have taken it's toll. Although my knees are still doing great, I can sense that the pounding has worn them so, I am looking into local bicycling groups as a new source of male camaraderie and exercise.
My son made the baseball travel league and it's going to take up a lot of time, so, that's the NEXT focus.
XW let the kids sleep over Saturday nite on her weekend so I had a nice Father's Day chunk of time with them. Many predicted that she would do this, so, I hope it continues.
Outside of that, I miss my children. Although I am OK when alone each night during the week, I miss them terribly. I still find myself staring at their vacant rooms. I don't think any real father 'gets over this', I think we adjust to it since we have no other option. Plain and simple, it sucks. I can't tell you how horrible it feels to have to ask HER for permission for extra time with them. It's emasculating.
The only interested bidders in the house have vanished, so, it's going to slow up now for summer. I am 'stuck' in the house until it sells. That is not such a bad thing per se, just a financial burden.
The positives so far: I am at peace in the house. The stress of the D is over. The few women that I have met so far, outside of the negatives of the date itself, have given me a little 'boost'. I think I can have a new R with someone.
I do not miss my X. Communication now is near nil. I DO miss the structure of marriage. I DO miss companionship. I DO miss sex. Hey...I'm the other species.
Have a great day.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Simple version: When I hear his key turn in the door a smile spreads across my face. Longer version: Someone whose presence I enjoy being in and whose values and priorities I share, someone who perceives important situations somewhat similarly to the way I do and whose judgment I respect, and someone who makes me never want to get out of bed.
My past relationships:
That things that look good on paper often do not work out in real life, that differences in temperament can make cohabitation impossible, and that far more important than the things people have in common is how they approach resolving the things that they do not.
I am looking for a:
Let's get real for a minute and ignore all the activities and traits they mention since most of you guys just click off the whole category anyway. Once upon a time my life was consumed with raising my family and working. But I turned around for a second and all of a sudden three kids were gone leaving only one son at home. For the first time in a long time I am able to place my needs first, or at least a close second, and find myself seeking companionship. I don't have to jet set around the world though it's a nice thought, but I do have to be with someone who stimulates me, mind, body and heart. The truth be told, when the dust of the day settles I am perfectly content to curl up in bed with someone whose soul touches mine. As busy as the days are, nights are lonely. You are someone who understands that we don't need to be tethered at the hip and that sometimes a silent shoulder on which to lean is more effective than any words spoken. There is simply great comfort and happiness in being together that stems from a very deep level of caring for and understanding one another. If you wrote about the twenty sports you engage in or the importance of fine wine and dining, or the fact that you are looking for the love of your life, you are probably not for me. If on the other hand you understand that in a long term relationship the passion that begins with the flutter of the heart evolves into a deep love and appreciation for the inner beauty of your partner, then please contact me, because nothing would give me greater pleasure than sharing my life with you.
My perfect first date:
You look at least as good as your picture, you didn't lie about anything and the conversation flows with ease. (Please note: Do not say that you are 49 if you are 55 and do not say that you are 6'0" if you are 5'9" because I have a strong preference for tall men. Hopefully your pictures are fairly recent. Mine were taken on Oct. 5, 2009)
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
"kml...all initially contacted me. ALL of them have. My email was flooded was I first signed on.F"
So, FIB - why haven't YOU contacted anyone? Why don't YOU look through the profiles and see if there is someone you feel an affinity for? Why are you limiting yourself to the ones who contacted you?
Ellie (P.S. You must be cute because most guys complain they don't get nearly as many "hits" as the women do)
