Wow!! Great letter. You are very lucky to have a partner willing to explain exactly what is bothering her. Most WAS dont take the time to explain and just shut down. This is your playbook. You know what needs to be done. You know what the issues are so use this.
PMA, I respectfully disagree. If Dan's wife were uninvolved with anyone else, I'd agree with you, but a person in an active affair will almost always re-write marital history, gaslight, spin and outright LIE to try to justify their behavior, and their current, hormone-induced, mindset.
One shouldn't take the writings of an addict at face-value, and use them as a roadmap to self-improvement.
I always try to encourage betrayed spouses to take a good, hard, honest look at THEMSELVES, and also their spouse's pre-affair marital complaints, and use this time for some serious introspection about what GENUINELY needs to be improved in their relationship style, communication, habits, etc.
For the record, I do think his wife's letter contains plenty of the former AND of the latter, but I just wanted to throw that caveat out there. I've seen way too many left-behind spouses, in their beaten-down state, take everything their cheating spouses said at face value and doubt their own very core.
