Quote: I have told her many times that she has nothing to fear from me and my actions have shown that. I have said to her on numerous occasions that whatever physical/sexual activity we are in, she always has the control over when we stop and any request of hers to stop or slow down or anything else will always be complied with and I will never, in any way, punish her for stopping.
Are you sure about that? I know she can stop, but I think you all have had some pretty explosive arguments over this, yes? (Haven't we all.) If not in your mind, then in her mind she could see these fights as the punishment, seeing your anger as her failure...again...knowing she has dissapointed you or hurt you...again...if she doesn't have sex, then she doesn't fail. (It's not logical rational, but it is there nonetheless).
Quote: The problem we are having now is just getting her to start the exercises to relearn physical intimacy and sexuality in a healthy way. I am willing to start anywhere. I just need to know that we are starting. What I want to say is that we should set aside some time (an hour or so) everyday to work on this and make it a priority. Some time where we can touch with no expectation except that we will be touching in a safe way for her. I have a pretty good idea how she will react to this. Can you think of a way I can present it that she will be able to hear and not become afraid?
First, I'd scale back the one hour, everyday, to once a week for as long as she can. And, what I would make sure you do is talk about this idea in a joint session with your counselor. She needs to feel that she is in control of this, and if you are the one setting the day/length of time, she will rebel. If you discuss this in a joint session with your counselor, she will be in her safe and supported environment, but she will also know she has to face this and deal with this, that she isn't 'off the hook,' you know?
