"I have been civil and continue to smile and remain as upbeat as I can around her. We had an agreement to go to counseling once per month and I was trying to find out when in July we would go. That is all."
Was it a written agreement? I know you have been civil.
"I am going dark. My son is my priority. I have a lawyer already but only as a defensive measure in response to the papers I know are coming."
No forward movement on that until you get those papers!
"I don't believe I'm acting or sounding crazy."
I would imagine that there are a few people here that think you sound a bit crazy. I am one of them. I know crazy when I see it. You can't hide it! Well you can if you stop posting.. then I just assume you went crazy.
"I'm actually more calm and focused now than I have been in quite some time."
I will take that with a grain of salt.
Because...
"I'm just emotionally drained and tired of being beaten down."
How can you be more calm and focused.. if you are emotionally drained and tired? To me.. that makes you more reactionary. If you were telling me about your sweet dreams.. and how much you were smiling.. I would be more likely to believe you.
"It's all about my PMA and my relationship with my son at this point."
Again.. you seem to be missing the point. I thought we were already at that stage.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
Yes, we do have a written agreement re: marital counseling. I'm just going to let it lie and let her fail to honor that agreement.
I thought I had made it clear that my attorney is in place as a defensive measure for a legal action that I am certain is coming. Let's be honest, you don't want to wait for the mortar rounds to start falling and then start building bunkers!
Originally Posted By: Forrest Gump
I would imagine that there are a few people here that think you sound a bit crazy. I am one of them. I know crazy when I see it. You can't hide it! Well you can if you stop posting.. then I just assume you went crazy.
Please elaborate. What am I doing or saying that makes me seem crazy to you?
All I care about right now is preserving as much financial security as possible and preserving my access/relationship with my son.
I told her the door was closed. She can open it but I'm finished holding it open and begging her to walk through it. I still love her and I still believe we can make it through this but she has to want to and right now all she wants is a divorce.
All I care about right now is preserving as much financial security as possible and preserving my access/relationship with my son.
I told her the door was closed. She can open it but I'm finished holding it open and begging her to walk through it. I still love her and I still believe we can make it through this but she has to want to and right now all she wants is a divorce.
I know you can't tell her anything. Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do, but the act of doing it can increase the desire and motivation in doing so. So as long as she is making excuses...
Well, part of it is getting to the point where you're willing to really, really, really, let it go regardless of the outcome. I've made some changes and am continuing to make some changes because they are the things I need to do in order to be a better man and a better dad.
Perhaps once the finality of this sinks in she'll change her mind. But, it's not likely.
She'll have to hit bottom..emotionally, financially, whatever "bottom" is for her...she'll have to hit it before she'll be willing to re-think this course she has set.
Met with the lawyer today. This just plain sucks. This is not the way I wanted this to go but there's nothing I can do at this point except preserve myself and my relationship with my son.
Pain....that's all I can say about how I feel. I'm just in absolute, miserable pain.
Met with the lawyer today. This just plain sucks. This is not the way I wanted this to go but there's nothing I can do at this point except preserve myself and my relationship with my son.
Pain....that's all I can say about how I feel. I'm just in absolute, miserable pain.
I'm right there with you buddy. I just got my papers last week. I have been doing everything wrong for 5 months trying to work on this like the books said. Plan dates, buy gifts, send flowers, be romantic. Funny thing is she even told me not to do these things, but I didn't listen. I thought it was the right thing to do to show her how much I loved her. She called it smothering and it drove her away.
There is no more smothering going on, but I think her mind is made-up too. I feel like I am on a freight-train to hell. I never thought it would come to this, but it has and now it is time to deal with it.
The only good thing is that my in-laws have been supportive of me in the few instances I have contacted them. Her Mom said I can come and visit and stay at her place any time I want to. Her brother said we will always be family no matter what happens. Those were very supportive comments.
Make sure you protect yourself financially so she can't run up the debts on you and spend lots of time with your son. Find some friends to talk to. It helps!
I'm not going to give-up hope until the papers are signed, but I fear that will increase the length of my pain. My new motto is: "Prepare for the worst and hope for the best!"
I'm not giving up, either. It's not over until the last paper is signed but it sure feels like this train has left the station and is running over the edge of a cliff. I'm protecting my financial future and my future as a Dad. You can "fire" me as a husband but you can't "fire" me as a Dad.
I'm going dark, dark, dark. The only contact is to talk to my son. Everything else is silent. I've got to move on with my life, do the work I need to do to be a better man and father. If she wants to fix this she can but she's got to want it and right now she simply does not want it.
She'll have to hit bottom before she'll be willing to do the introspection necessary to move forward.
I love her but I've got to protect myself.
You hang in there, too. Keep the faith and look out for yourself.
10 day since she filed but not 10 days of going dark.
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What plans do yo have now?
I'm responding to the separation proposal in bits and pieces. Trying to get agreement on the things we are close on and delaying the ugly stuff for later.
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Where are you going to live?
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Sailboat still the idea?
Still moving to the new location outside of DC. House will close and I will move. It should come together fairly smoothly. I'm not buying anything until my atty tells me I can. So, boat is still in the plan but I'll do a temporary seasonal condo for the next 90 days or so.
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How do you talk to son now?
I call on the cell phone. It's the only # I have for him. So far, I haven't heard from him in 3 days. I'm keeping a log of all of this so it can be used at a later date in my battle for custody.
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Ask about C?
If C is counseling then no. Last thing I said about that was "it's in your court". Told her I still love her and I believe this can work but until she is ready to actually do some work we're just going through the motions. Get back to me when you're ready to work.
If C is custody then also no. That will be one of the things that we're going to fight over and I want to resolve as much of the other stuff as we can now.
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What is she doing?
I have no idea. I set some boundaries with her on how I will let her address me, etc. That seemed to get a response but I haven't had a chance to reinforce the new boundaries so I'm not sure if she really got the message.
