If she has a relationship that you are uncomfortable with and she won't stop it, that should tell you all you need to know. You and your family aren't as important as her "friend".
This is a GREAT point, IDU. On Day 2 of discovering my wife's affair, when she was giving me the "he's just a friend" b.s. (and most of my intel hadn't kicked in yet, so I was hesitant to TOTALLY blast her as lying to me), I simply said to her:
"Even if that IS true, then what you're telling me is that you're willing to place your friendship with another man ahead of your husband. I can't live in a marriage like that. This is a dealbreaker for me."
I didn't respond but now she is blowing up my phone 6calls.
She just sent me a another message asking me "why does it make you feel good by putting me down"
I'm not sure why she thinks I'm putting her down. She wanted this D and I'm just going with the motions now. I know she's going to want to talk when I get home.
How to I handle the R talk then???? I need you guys!!!!!!
You don't. You don't call her back, you don't respond to her texts, and when she tries to bully you into an R talk when you get home (and that's how she will act -- bullying), you simply say "I don't want to discuss this right now. You made yourself clear, and I have some decisions to make." Or something very similar.
It's all about control. Up until now, she's mostly felt like she's been in control of the endgame, and -- again, make no mistake -- this includes her IMAGE thru the potential dissolution of your marriage.
When you exposed -- and then today, with that truth dart just sent -- you indicated that you weren't going to play her game. So now she's trying to re-establish the previous relationship equilibrium -- her power -- thru whatever means she thinks will WORK. When you don't respond to one, she tries another.
Don't worry -- "I don't want to divorce" is not a position, IF SERIOUS, that will be swiftly taken off the table. If she is SINCERE in that, you will have PLENTY of opportunities to make the proper response to it (which, btw, is "That's good to hear. End your affair, and agree to full no-contact and full-transparency, and some good MCing with someone who specializes in this stuff, and let's get to work.")
So, how do you suggest I tackle this. Your saying this is just another stage the WAW goes through and it's expected.
She has done this before with the "I want to work on our M" Yet she doesn't take any steps to fix it. Next thing you know she's talking with OM and telling me it's over... I can't keep living in Limbo...
M: 36 W: 29 S: 2.5 EA: 2/2010 OM1 D Bomb: 3/2010 PA: 6/2010 OM2 W moved out 8/2010 Loc: DE, USA
So, how do you suggest I tackle this. Your saying this is just another stage the WAW goes through and it's expected.
Yep -- BINGO. I can predict almost word-for-word what they will say at this point, I've seen it so often. It's similar to -- when you expose -- them saying "Now you've done it! Now you've blown ANY CHANCE you had with me! I WAS thinking of getting back TOGETHER with you, but now YOU'VE BLOWN IT!!"
