Trapt, TG, Cat and Mach - THANK YOU - THANK YOU - THANK YOU for calling me out on all of this! I do know better and everything that you all shared was right on the money! I have never felt this level of hurt and fear before and I know that I let myself down by becoming something that I am really not. I feel like I've lost any redeeming character traits that I may have had. Cat - you are particularly correct in the fact that I have been avoiding dealing with the anger and disillusionment I feel as a result of his actions. I try to normalize it in order to survive or prove my resilience. I do this for fear of losing everything that means the most to me - my H and my family. So now I'm back to square -10 and unfortunately I did it to myself. I am trying to figure out how to "go dark" when we must see each other at S's activities. Do I share with S that I need to stay away for a while in order to give us (H and me) some healing space? Is that punishing my S? If you can tolerate my stupidity a bit more:) - I would value your help! Today is day 10 of the separation and I'm failing miserably!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
