(((konfuseeed))) - I'm in no position to give advice. Just wanted to let you know how sorry I am.
Me - Faithful wife H - WAH Bomb: Fall/2009 - PA/EA with OW for 1 year Both in our early 40's M - 16 years w/ no kids T - 21 years Separated since July of 2008 - H living with his mother
I just really feel that the bottom line here is that this is obviously no longer a marriage, and I have no desire to stay legally bonded to her.
Who knows what the future will bring... But feel now that the bridges that have been burned and the baggage that has been created is just too insurmountable for our "marriage" to be repaired.
I would just wait for her to file, and let her deal with it, but I don't really trust that she will. I think she will just drag this on.
(((Konfused))) You need to do what you feel is best, but decisions made in the heat of anything (passion, anger, joy) can often be clouded.
I know you're hurt - and you have every right to be angry because you deserve so much better than this - but I would encourage you to get off the roller coaster, take a deep breath, and make sure it's what you really want.
Divorce is a permanent solution to an often temporary problem.
(((Konfused))) You need to do what you feel is best, but decisions made in the heat of anything (passion, anger, joy) can often be clouded.
I know you're hurt - and you have every right to be angry because you deserve so much better than this - but I would encourage you to get off the roller coaster, take a deep breath, and make sure it's what you really want.
Divorce is a permanent solution to an often temporary problem.
Make sure it's what you really want.
k - sorry to hear about your latest "encounter" - Red has some amazing words above - make sure it is what you really want, not just an emotion filled knee jerk reaction to her insesitivity from her fog.
most importantly K - take care of YOU!
will swing back when i can.
Gman
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
I completely understand where you guys are coming from, and all I can say is that I honestly feel that I am going against my own morals by remaining married to this woman.
Even when I am completely honest with myself, and try to take my emotions out of it, I still see filing for divorce as my only option now.
I just can't look at myself in the mirror and respect myself at all if I do not stand up for myself and file now.
I am going t take some time here to calm down, because I do have decisions to make.
I hear you guys and I just want to make sure I am not making any decision out of anger.
I don't really see my decision to divorce her changing, but maybe it is a god idea to chill a bit and make sure.
Yep. Just go dark and GAL for the next couple of months and then re-visit it at the end of the summer and then see how you feel. You may have a better idea once you have some time and space on the situation, what you really want. It will change day to day for awhile and thats why you need to give yourself a break from the day to day. Its hard to be objective from the middle of a sitch.
Time is your best friend right now.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Thanks for caring everyone. I've been kinda a wreck lately... Not really falling apart but dwelling.
And I'm still really angry. I can honestly say I hate her right now. I'm sure that will pass, but for now it is what it is.
Thinking back on Saturday, I have to say she really does just seem done with me. She had 0 emotion and had no problem just saying she had no desire to even bother with me, other guy(s) are more important, I havent changed at all and we have nothing in common... And then she just walked away.
She also found out through the grapevine that I was dating someone, and has used that to justify her actions. She told me that when her "boyfriend" asked her if she thought what they were doing was wrong, she said no, cause I was seeing someone too. Problem is, when he asked that, and she told him that I was not seeing anyone, and was actually very far off from even bothering to try. Were talking months ago here.
I said nothing, but she just assumes I had this months long relationship with someone.
Lets see...
I foolhardily dated someone I just met for 2 weeks about a month ago, but broke it off because we both knew it was wrong. I felt terrible about it, but admitted that it was a weak time for me.. It is what it is.
She had a several month long affair with a friend of mine.
I don't see how they compare, but, I guess, whatever she needs to tell herself to justify it is what shes going to do. I have considered emailing her to tell her the truth about my "seeing someone"... But I don't think it even matters anymore. She is going to think what she thinks and she is going to do what shes going to do.
I know you guys say to go dark, and I agree that is what I need to do now because I need to heal, and staying in contact with her at all is not going to allow that, but I have to say at this point I would be VERY surprised to even hear from her at all again.
I'm drinking too much. I've stopped working out. I need to get my sh!t together here quick.
I started reading a good book on abandonment... Cant remember the name right now, but its helping, and I'm still kicking the idea of IC around.
All in all... I think I'm just grieving normally after bomb #2 was dropped last week...
Hey Konfuseeed, I just wanted to pop in and check on you. Go dark, as others have told you. If you are not 100% sure about the divorce, don't file. Simple as that. If that's what you 100% want, then go for it. You have been through a lot in a short amount of time. Is she still actively romancing this OM? Have you talked to OM? Do something good for yourself today.
