but I want her to know that I accept what she is saying about my prior behavior. As someone else said previously, I have to validate her feelings and I haven't yet done that in all areas. I have apologized for much, but not for being selfish, because I really didn't think I was. I put a lot of effort into making our lives better, but it was primarily at my job and earning $ so we could have a comfortable life.
You've apologized. Done.
The rest is about action. ACT like you get what you were doing wrong before. 180. If you were a selfish jerk before...act like a compassionate human being going forward. If you were stale and boring before....start doing things that are different and exciting. Get a bucket list and start working on it!. If you were sarcastic and biting before....soften your words. See what I mean? She is watching what you DO! Even if she insists she is not watching, she is. Geeez, women notice EVERYTHING (that's why we can be so brutal with EACH OTHER! ha!).
This is GREAT advice, Greek. One of the hardest things for me to come to grips with in my sitch was the utter impotence of my WORDS. I've always good a good writer, and a persuasive speaker, but I learned to OVER-estimate the effect that I could have in that regard. When I learned of my wife's affair, and in the face of her continued deceit towards me, I still felt like "If I could ONLY say JUST THE RIGHT COMBINATION of words to her . . ." or "send her JUST the perfect song lyrics," etc. . . . she'd change her mind and come back to me.
And, as you state, similarly my OWN improvements couldn't come from any grand proclamations about how I'd improved -- I had to SHOW her.
