the 2nd one, I would make more business-like. I might run it by your L first, just to make absolutely sure before you propose it that there's a way to enforce that she use the $ to pay for school and nothing else, so she can't come back later and say she needs more, you know?
We could send DD to a private school by modifying the court order as follows:
$x for alimony $x for child support
I will pay half of the private school cost and the child support cost will cover most of the other half. You would pay the balance due.
Don't know how to word this non-emotionally, but you want to make it clear that if she goes for this, she cannot come back later asking you for more support money to live on b/c that would mean you'd have to pull DD out of private school to afford to pay her, which = bad for DD. Ask your L first- there is no rush to reply til you talk to L, but you could add:
The L's will amend the agreement to agree in writing that you will pay this money for her schooling for X years, regardless of any changes to your financial circumstances so DD's schooling is not interrupted partway through. You also will agree that there will be no modification of the child/spousal support during this time b/c you feel school becomes difficult to pay for. (no idea if you can enforce that but she needs to hear loud and clear that she can't change this on a whim b/c she needs more money- I find it amusing she's so ready to pay for half when she needed money so badly that she took you to the cleaners. Was she already planning on using the $ for school or what?? in fact, if she's so easily able to pay for something that is OPTIONAL, maybe you should tell your L she obviously doesn't need this extra $, you have it in writing and can the support be amended- private school is not a necessity. Worth a try)
In fact, R, seriously consider, please, how important this private school is. Remember that you have to scale back now, so please consider whether you have to have this. You can always do a private middle/high school if you must later- DD will be able to help make that decision and you'll be more financially able (hopefully) and it won't be that traumatic to her to change then esp if she helps decide. Just my 2 cents.
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
