Spouse Suffering From Depression

[Lucky11too]

I'm still just feeling so overwhelmed. There is just so much going on, I don't even have time to get on the computer (for fun) anymore. So, to catch up on recent events from the weekend, H came over for Friday night pizza as planned. That went pretty well. He was running late (as always) but at least he got there. It's always a little ackward because H doesn't dislike my parents anymore, but on the other hand, doesn't want to do things with them either. I'm used to watching tv with them at night after S goes to bed, but H wants to watch tv away from them in my room. It's not that I don't like us time, but family is super to me too and I don't like how he always hides from them (C'mon, you can't give up 1 hr to watch tv with them and then we can have us time?). The rest of the night H ended up on the computer. He has this new desire to fix up his truck. It's good he is finally finding something he cares about and is interested in again (since before he didn't care about anything and anyone in the midst of his depression), but I guess it's his ADD that gets him totally stuck on an idea too. He spent the whole Friday night then most of Saturday day on the computer looking at special tires, rims, lights, etc. (Such an idiot! He's going to get his dad to pay his rent "b/c he was off work for the surgery" so that he can spend his extra money that he got from his move, on his car stuff. No sense of responsibility!) But my biggest complaint was that he was spending so much time on the computer, that he totally missed out on playing with S. In a bit of irony, we was just saying how he is going to tell his job that they need to hire an additional manager, b/c he no longer wants to work Sunday and Monday nights (and pick up more day shifts). His reasoning for this is that all the family gatherings are on Sunday's, so he always misses all of them...and he feels like he is missing out on S growing up. Thank you! Finally! But then when he has the chance to be with S, he's on the computer all day! Exasberating! My dad made a comment that if I needed help, that I needed to ask H and get him off the computer. I said I was fine and I didn't need help, but it made me tear up b/c I knew he was right. I just don't know what battles to take on right now. I know he is still "sick" and it's going to take a while for him to heal, so I struggle with knowing what is part of his ADD that will hopefully get better (which I won't fight with him on now), and what is him that needs to be addressed as appropriate behaviors.

Father's day went ok. H was not able to get the day off, so he mentioned that maybe he would come over after work so he could be there in the morning with S. I mentioned that we were going to the church car show in the morning (aka going to church), so then he changed his mind ("I'm not a chuch going guy" he said). Blah. Church is still going to be a huge issue with us! =/ He eneded up coming over after church and having lunch with us. Unfortunately when he got there, S was napping, and then after lunch, H said he was just too tired and so took his own nap. I tried to get him up when S got up, but he said he was too tired. Finally, both were up and we ran by the inlaws for a quick bit before H had to go to work.

Oh, last interesting something to note. So H was talking to me about OW1. He said she is putting in her 2 weeks notice. Yay! Finally! I hope that means good riddens to her! Then H was telling me that when he went back to work on Thursday, he kept catching OW1 staring at him (yes, H does look good b/c he lost a bit of weight after the surgery). He caught her, so he messed with her and says "Stop undressing me with your eyes". Her response, "sorry, I haven't seen you in a long time" (or something like that). Doesn't even deny it! I called H on that (b/c he has never admitted to me before that she liked him - I've always told him that there was something going on between them or attraction on one side or the other and he has always denied it. And on the other hand, what else don't I know about their past). He said that of course she is attracted to him, that all the girls are attracted to him b/c he's their boss. Ok, can his head get any biggger? Whatever. I'm 99% sure he doesn't feel anything for OW1 (at least not anymore), but the whole conversation still just made me feel a little uneasy. It just makes me feel that one way or another, I'll always be fighting girls off of him for the rest of my life. Not very encouraging. =/

See, it's hard, I don't know what to make of it all. In some ways it seems like he is drawing to me and only to me, but on the other hand, he does things that are just so frustrating! Like I said, I'm trying to give it time and see where it goes, but I'm just still not sure I'm liking the person who I think he's become, and I don't know what you do with that. =/ I just don't ever want to have a repeat of these past 2 years ever again. The question is - can he be the H that I need him to be?