I think that he is NOT too chicken Sh** to do anything..I really dont. I think once I tell him to go..which with the anxiety that I am experiencing right now I will have to do soon, he will most likely move in with her and that will be that.
Think about that. You really think he is just WAITING for YOU to say the word and HE'LL GO? He doesn't care what you think or feel or say. He proves that by having an A right under your nose. Now ask yourself again why he hasn't just left you altogether. I have a VERY GOOD guess but I think it is important for YOU to think it over.
Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
B/c you allow him to be with her. There are no consequences -not for the affair, not for his disassociation and disregard for you and his family, for his poor judgement and his disrespectful treatment of not one but 2 women. Neither one of you women will expect a thing of him. You both are willing to take his cake crumbs.
And until that changes - he won't. He's totally thinking with his little head and y'all just let him get away with it.
So probably the one that puts the pressure on him FIRST will win. Either she will say "Hey, I'm free - now you get free so we can seal this deal." OR you say "Hey, I'm not going to accept an open marriage a minute longer. I'm filing and you're moving out."
Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
Just chimming in again because I feel the same anxiety that you do and my w is not in an affair that I know of. But you have to ask yourself, What am I hanging on to? You are letting him play you for a patsy right now and as Greek says, have cake crumbs from both of you. Are you hanging on to your old relationship which you say was very good but the KEY word here is WAS very good. You said yourself " He is not the same man you married"
Maybe he will go to her and the thought of that scares the crap out of you but then he can see for himself if he is making the right choice. Often when the excitement of forbidden fruit wears off, the luster is also gone and what is left for him. A women he cheated with that is obviously lacking any moral fibre. How long can he stay attracted to that.
Then you have to make a decison as you are GAL. Would you accept him back? You can't answer that now because you don't know how you will be feeling but one thing is for sure. You can't continue in this way. It is killing you.
Letting go will also be very tough but at least you can get on with your life and maintain the self respect that you deserve.
On an other note; I hope you don't mind if I ask Greek and coach a question on your thread.
Coach: how did you treat Greek when you were apart? My w wants us to be friends and date down the road? Do you think that is a good idea? I am afraid like swimming here , that if I let her go, she may find someone else. If that was to happen , unlike swimming, I don't think I would hang on.
Good luck Swimming.
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
Lol..you know it's fascinating to read these threads..I remember thinking there was no way I would ever get through all this..and if I knew then what I know now I would have been so much stronger and quicker to detach and who knows how it would have played out..
I wish there was a way to show to swimmingupstream that she truly will be fine if this doesn't work out. The best thing to do is follow the advice..take a hard nosed stand on the H and give him the ultimatum and FOLLOW THROUGH...it's like disciplining a child, you need to parent them..it seems sooooo hard to take that step and put the M on the line..the worst case scenario is it won't work out..honestly it's not working now anyway..the best case scenario is that you just 180'd, showed your H a better you, an attractive you..and now you have started the process of truly DBing..but I realize when you are going through this, it is sooo hard to see it that way..the fear sux..
Strength and Honor
Mules
M 43 W 44 M 17 T 22 S16,12,9 Bomb 2/05/08 I served her 1/06/09 S'd 3/15/09 D'd 12/21/09
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
