Puppy, Coach...advice..anyone...Need a quick answe

[Greek]

It is time to get strong...whenever I do he really seems to rebel and cares less.

WHO CARES???????! Who gives half a rats what he does??!! This is about YOU taking care of YOU for YOU! Look, if he got hit by a city bus tomorrow, you'd have to go on, right? And you could b/c .... you'd have to. My dear, you HAVE to now! Bus or no bus! Haha!

And by the way, I sincerely doubt what you wrote in red. I don't think you've ever really stood up and stood out. Maybe you had a few flair ups, but you seem rather inconsistent - one day strong, next day undone. And then when you see him "rebel" or whatever, you back off of your plan b/c you live so much based on what HE does. I challenge you to really commit to living in a way that is healthy for you - no matter what he does. And I have a bet going that if you really did that and STUCK WITH IT, he'd be very interested - quite the opposite of "cares less".

Greek

[swimmingupstream]

I know my H still lives with me but the past week and the weekend has been awful. He seemed agitated and irritable and just back to his old cheating self. A little detached. I dont know why. I could be overanalyzing but at this point I cannot fathom him leaving our family for her and her kids. Why would someone want to leave one family for another. It seems SO out of character for him. I am not saying he is leaving, but if I catch him again which because I did not kick him out the other 3 times it seems likely because he does not take me serious even though I am very serious this time...I dont know..We just had SOOO much in common..still do. Not sure how someone could change that SO much. I saw glimpses of the old him until I caught him again. Now I just feel like it is back to square one. What do I do? I just feel like giving up. I want us to be a family but it is getting to be too overwhelming...Will this affair EVER end! My self esteem is shot to hell!

[swimmingupstream]

Basically at this point I feel like I cant win..so I really just want to run away and give up. The ball is no longer in my court....he holds the cards. He gets to decide if he wants to be part of our family or not. It seems pretty selfish if you ask me. It is just NOT like him. I just feel like I dont know him anymore.

[Greek]

Basically at this point I feel like I cant win..so I really just want to run away and give up. The ball is no longer in my court....he holds the cards. He gets to decide if he wants to be part of our family or not. It seems pretty selfish if you ask me. It is just NOT like him. I just feel like I dont know him anymore.

What happened?
Greek

[swimmingupstream]

I dont know what happened. He just changed again. I am getting really good at knowing when they are together and when they are not.
The only thing I can do at this point is work on myself and get strong for my kids. Other than that you cant control what another person does.
I went running again last night, which is good because I had not run since last Wednesday. It still does not take away the sickness I feel inside.

[ninelives]

Hey Swimming:

I've been following your thread and I feel for you BIG TIME. Lucky you have Coach and Greek on your flank helping you through, they are some of the best. Incidently, I feel connected to these two from their call names, i am Greek and coach so many sports but I digress.

I am going through a similar feeling as you in that the ball is not in our court, but they do not hold all the cards, Most of them but not all. You must detach at this point; especially since there is another Person involved. I know how much it hurts to want something so bad and feel that you have little control but that is why you have to focus on the control that you do have.

I felt pretty good about a month ago when I felt i detached and she was doing the chasing. ( I never thought she would as she said she was through with us) but when I took some of her bait and she knew she had me again, she backed off.

I think there is only one way to look at this. If you detach and truly get a life, they will do one of two things. They will either not care in which case you have your answer that there is nothing left to save, or they will take notice and start to come to you. If that happens, this is the tricky part. How do you let them back without being too vulnerable where they can sense it. Then they feel like they have control again and the cycle of the game continues.



I hate that this sounds like a game as I HATE playing games but it seems that is what we are faced with. Its too bad you cannot sit them down and have a heart to heart where there is open honest dialogue but it seems that their mind is in a kind of fog and this doesn't allow for this type of communication. Add to the fact that they are often very confused and honestly don't know what they really want.

Bottom line I think at this stage is to stick to your guns when you say something. Other Women means there can be no marriage;
period. You are too good to share them.

I do support you as many on this board do, but you have to take a stand soon and show him that you mean bussiness.

[swimmingupstream]

Thank you very much nine..It is nice that people are supportive and just wonderful people on here!

I am so conflicted. I dont know what to do. Part of me just wants to tell him to leave because it is getting to be too painful.

Before I sensed a little remorse..now it seems like he is just fine doing whatever it is he is doing and honestly if I bring it up to him he will just get mad and deny it any ways...So I dont know what to do.

I am just scared. I know what we used to have and what we used to be. He is NOT the same man that I married.

[Greek]

Is it this:

I dont know what happened.

Or this:

He just changed again. I am getting really good at knowing when they are together and when they are not.

And if you believe you KNOW that he has crossed the boundary, isn't there something you're supposed to do NEXT?

Greek

[Greek]

Incidently, I feel connected to these two from their call names, i am Greek and coach so many sports but I digress.

Cheers!

I am going through a similar feeling as you in that the ball is not in our court, but they do not hold all the cards, Most of them but not all. You must detach at this point; especially since there is another Person involved. I know how much it hurts to want something so bad and feel that you have little control but that is why you have to focus on the control that you do have.


I think there is only one way to look at this. If you detach and truly get a life, they will do one of two things. They will either not care in which case you have your answer that there is nothing left to save, or they will take notice and start to come to you. If that happens, this is the tricky part. How do you let them back without being too vulnerable where they can sense it. Then they feel like they have control again and the cycle of the game continues.



Bottom line I think at this stage is to stick to your guns when you say something. Other Women means there can be no marriage;
period. You are too good to share them.

I do support you as many on this board do, but you have to take a stand soon and show him that you mean bussiness.

Very good advice, Swimming. Take it!
Greek

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Damn, she's good.

Puppy