180'n the MLC

[cat04]

Many people have described this as a roller coaster. Good analogy, but I feel more like a pinball, pinged from one end of the spectrum to the other.

I actually referred to it as the "teacup" ride at one point because of all of the spinning, LOL.

Punkin,

I have to disagree with Grit. I saw no buts in your statements. No excuses.

Do I deserve better? Hell yes, but he is capable of BEING BETTER. Regardless of how he is acting now, I know inside he is a decent, loving individual - with a trainload of baggage. For the moment, this is the best I can do, and I'll give it my all.

To me, this was an acknowledgement of where you are at this point in time. What you have realized and what you are living with. No excuses. Because you didn’t say you are NOT going to try to do better.


The pills, you may need them for a while and that is ok. As time passes, as you heal, you will find you need them less and less.

To me that is my most difficult problem. Not being able to let it out. I'm doing just what he did, letting it build and build inside me.

Sometimes, anger has to be released in waves. Think of it like a pressure valve. If you open it full blast, you will fly all over the room from the force and be totally deflated, until the pressure builds again. So you have to let a little out at a time. Fairly consistently. Until the pressure has lessened to a small level. Then when something happens with the kids or grands, and you feel it start to build, you only have that to release.

Our kids are usually the biggest button, one that we all have to find our own ways of dealing with.

Your kids are older and they need to act like responsible adults and show their father respect if and when they interact with him, NO MATTER WHAT he is doing.

While it hurts them to watch him hurt you, they should be able to find ways to deal with this like adults and help their own children understand what is going on with grandpa. Your grandchildren do not need this to skew their view of him, or damage their R with him. They are the innocents in this.

My S, has three stepgrandparents. Regardless of how I felt about them, they are still my S’s grandparents, they still love him, and that is the bottom line. He needs to understand that blood does not make his R with them any different than with his biological grandparents. AND if he ever gets a fourth one, that person will also have to be treated with the same care and respect as all of the other.

Punkin,

Honestly, what your H has done is not nice. It isn’t. Just like the rest of us. But your children are older and they should treat him as they would any other adult. As their mother, maybe you should ask them to stop relaying information about your H to you, and tell them that it is up to them to forge whatever R they choose with him.

It may just be time to take that step with them. Let them know that you don’t want them to choose sides, that you understand that they are hurt as well, but that you are a grown up, what happens between you and their father, is between you and him and let that be that.