I know you're trying already but remember to focus on yourself not her... no one knows what she's thinking, still being confused she might even not know herself! You can't go on feeling stressed like this for too long, it'll literally make you unwell. Remember the most important is your emotional well being and you are the only person who can take care of that!
I realised that the reason I've been so down is that I tend to think of the good times and the memories make me think H is someone who's almost perfect... which he's not. Also the fact that I was denied what I wanted (to work on M) played havoc with my emotions... I guess when you're told you can't have something you badly want, it's a roller coaster ride.
I'm not saying not to think of the good times, but until time heals your mind a bit more it might be better to try putting it aside altogether? I've stopped looking at other threads, I want a 'holiday' from it all and it's a bit depressing to read others struggling as well. (I've got email alert on yours)
