That's the kicker, she still denys that it's anything more then a friendship.
Well, SHE can continue to deny it, but YOU should continue to deliver "truth darts" when appropriate. You only get so many opportunities such as the cutting-off-of-the-cellphone, and they are nuggets to be mined carefully and forcefully, in my opinion.
"You can call it what you want, (Wife), but you and I both know you're lying right now, and I've decided that I will no longer allow our family's joint finances to be used on an inappropriate relationship with another man who's not your husband. Now most of us call those 'affairs,' but if you want to stick your head in the sand and cut and run from our marriage, don't expect me to help you fund the flight."
Im right above you in the Peoples Socialist Republic of NJ.
That's not over-the-top political [rolling eyes]. How's that working out for you?
Considering its a fundamental TRUTH of the overarching, nanny state, elitist and blantantly UnConstitutional actions and policies of NJ State Govt and the Courts, I'd say its working out quite well for me. I am VERY heavily involved in politics, ran for County Office, worked on Christie's Campaign as a municipal co ordinator and have the Senate Presidents phone number on speed dial. My perspective is from the inside and I call em like I see them.
Considering its a fundamental TRUTH of the overarching, nanny state, elitist and blantantly UnConstitutional actions ...
Alrighty then.
I am suprised Party officials let you take a break from your work on the collective farm to post on this capitalist web site using the peoples' computers.
Man, no offense, but is that really working for you?
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
My W just sent me a text (from next bedroom) she said that so much has happened and she was hoping that I can reach deep down and find her friend. She would like the family to do something.
"I replied knowing what I know now I just can't do that with you". Is this part of the detachment process. Normally I would have jumped at the opportunity. I don't want to make myself available any longer to her.
M: 36 W: 29 S: 2.5 EA: 2/2010 OM1 D Bomb: 3/2010 PA: 6/2010 OM2 W moved out 8/2010 Loc: DE, USA
Apparently my W wants us to be a family unit and hang out together. She wants me to reach deep down and see past all that's happened and be her friend right now.
I thought I was being a friend, we have very light conversations. We certainly don't talk like we used to but that's understandable. I'm not sure how she expects me to see past this "friendship" she has with the OM.
I responded to her "Knowing what I know, I can't do that with you right now" She responded "OK"
Besides that's the last thing I want to do is be somewhere with her while she is texting OM. NO THANKS!!!!
Am I being out of line?????
M: 36 W: 29 S: 2.5 EA: 2/2010 OM1 D Bomb: 3/2010 PA: 6/2010 OM2 W moved out 8/2010 Loc: DE, USA
I don't believe you are out of line. If you want her to experience a little taste of what life without you would be....then remove the BFF stuff. That is your WAW wanting to eat cake.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I thought I was being a friend, we have very light conversations. We certainly don't talk like we used to but that's understandable.
There is a difference in being friend-ly acting, as you would conduct such behavior around even strangers you just met. But what she is saying is that she wants that close friendship she felt with you before the M fell apart.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Apparently my W wants us to be a family unit and hang out together. She wants me to reach deep down and see past all that's happened and be her friend right now.
I thought I was being a friend, we have very light conversations. We certainly don't talk like we used to but that's understandable. I'm not sure how she expects me to see past this "friendship" she has with the OM.
I responded to her "Knowing what I know, I can't do that with you right now" She responded "OK"
Besides that's the last thing I want to do is be somewhere with her while she is texting OM. NO THANKS!!!!
Am I being out of line?????
No, you're not.
This (maintaining "best-friend"-ship with their betrayed spouse) is part of the normalization script, and very common. I was advised to address it early, and HEAD ON, and I did, and to great effect.
"I need to be clear on something," I told my wife about 3 weeks into our ordeal. "I have absolutely no intention of being your friend, much less your BEST friend, if you choose to end our marriage this way, by having an affair and lying to everyone about it. I will of course be civil, and work with you to co-parent our children, but that is all. If you END this affair, and come back and really work on our marriage for a period of time -- say, one year -- including coming to marriage counseling with me and being honest with me and the counselor about the affair, and then it just doesn't work out between us . . . then that's different. But as long as you cut and run like this, not gonna happen."
When we reconciled, my wife told me that this (losing my friendship during her affair, and the potential of losing it FOREVER) was THE single-biggest reason she decided to end it, and come back to me.
