Like a said CD from every thing you said it just sounds like my stich.
Wife had phone locked. or when it was unlocked all messages were erased.
She went from not talking very much and going out more often to stay at her moms.To calling me before i went to bed to make shure i was home.
I know you are going back and forth on things that is so natral.Just stay calm and get the evedince that you need.
I was jut trying to say the script sounds just like mine was.
Me 37 Waw 32 son2 bomb 8/11/09 O/M 12/25/09 Divorce filed 8/25/09 divorce finale 6/16/10 Divorce putt on hold 6/16/10 Divorce postponed STBXW idea 8/8/10
MY stbxw acted just like this when she was hitting me up for money so she could get an appartment.
Being nice talkin kind of flirting then a couple of days later you know if i had a 2k i could get an appartment bs .
When i told her no that we have a perfect house and i will not support you leaving or home. She blew up i think that is what your wife is looking for !
she is working the O/M into the stich .
She even told be if i couldnt help her out with the money she would have to move in with O/M To be able to have a place to stay.
You know she is now living with her mom and the O/M is still living with his parent att 33.
Sounds so familar.
The weight thing she was probley looking for you to say something positve because the O/M does.
Agree with ALL of this. ^ Pretty typical "script"; my wife did much the same things.
Even worse and NO solution is she's gay?! yaeh. My brain has gone there, too
There have been several examples of that on this very forum. A wayward woman is in full-tilt "exploratory" mode, and it's not uncommon for them to test out "playing for the other team."
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
It would also explain what you -- who knows her best -- felt was a genuine expression on her face when she discussed what her girlfriend did for her?
Ok. Let's presume that she is trying to manipulate/blind/soften.
In the future, my reactions should be what?
I'm keeping in mind that one of her ongoing themes is that "we had no affection or sex" so if I refuse to participate in her games (don't touch her or engage in her inane conversations), would that also reinforce her view of me and our marriage?
This is about "one person can change the dance." So I don't want to iolate her more. (yes, the affair fills that neeed.) But could she also be testing?
How else should I change? What do you suggest I do in the future about these scenarios?
1) That all depends on whether or not she is having an affair. As you yourself just stated above, you need to determine that FIRST, to calculate your best course of action.
2) You will know her sincerity by how she responds to a firm (but loving) legal and/or financial stance by you. If "Ms. Nice-Nice" suddenly goes ape-chit when she doesn't get her way legally or financially, on some initial trial balloon, you'll have your answer.
Well, I'm gonna have to pick up my game and run two different plans at once.
First, I think I have a plan on the cell phone. I'll know more tomorrow.
Second, and the biggest surprise so far, is after we chatted about something else today, she asked if I had looked at the separation stuff she bought. I said I'd glanced at one of them. She said "it's pretty vague so we'll have to add the thing you wrote" (that you didn't believe I wrote). I can't believe she is pushing this.
My first thought is to let her have a go at filling it out. That ought to slow things down. I'm certainly not going to be a willing participant in accelerating the dissolution of my family and marriage. Plus, if she has to go through all the emotional, financial, and logistice crap involved in this, it may give her a reality check. However, if there is an affair, she won't get it but it will slow things down.
My thoughts are that my non-reaction to her "sep paper presentation" ("OK") didn't get the response she wanted/expected (I didn't Cave in). So she could be pushing for real or for effect. I can't tell. Or he affair is progressing and she wants to fast-track. Or she truly wants out anyway without any real attempt at reconciliation. It's like she's suddenly in a hurry.
Her talk about the Co-op Housing suggests she is looking for an inexpensive place. My thought would be AFTER D, but she may be wanting out NOW. Problem is, we don't have an extra 700 a month.So it won't happen.
Prior to this sep paper talk, my thoughts today were on proving the affair and at that point confront HER. THEN, based on "not spending family resources on OM", I would demand her debit card and cut it. And have her stricken from the account. If her checks didn't arrive, that would be considered "abandonment" and the courts would look poorly on that during custody.
I would work out a X per week allowance to cover her expences (smokes, gas, cell,etc)based on the family budget available. Essentially, Combined income minus TOTAL family bills leaves equal amount for her and I for "whatever". Her cell, her CC, her gas, etc would be her own responsibility on her own allowance-same as mine.
But now, strangely I feel I need something else or different.
I'm still gonna try to prove the A, but now I have another pot "boiling".
Boy, lots and LOTS of mind-reading there, CD -- a big DBing no-no.
I do like the stalling on the paperwork, and your thought behind it ("I'm certainly not going to be a willing participant in accelerating the dissolution of my family and marriage").
The whole demanding of the debit card and cutting it is just way too much DRAMA. Keep things simple.
