No, I accept nothing. Many people have described this as a roller coaster. Good analogy, but I feel more like a pinball, pinged from one end of the spectrum to the other. I hate being dependent on pills during the day to function and pills at night just to sleep. My anger is seething and I seek ways to let it out. Mowing is good. I can scream, curse, etc while on the tractor and no one can hear me. When he hurts the kids or grands, it builds up again. Its becoming difficult to talk to God, and though I feel like crying, I can't seem to let that out either.
To me that is my most difficult problem. Not being able to let it out. I'm doing just what he did, letting it build and build inside me.
I plan to join an exercise class in the next week or two when a new class starts. That will help, I am sure. Hard to hike outside anywhere when it's 104 degrees.
I feel like I'm in the stage of Replay in HIS MLC. Sleep an average of 3 hours a night, then lay there and wait for the alarm clock.
I'm rambling, but believe me it's due to lack of sleep. Down 28 pounds now. It's like I'm getting worse instead of better. I don't like myself this way, and I remind myself there are people that depend on me, least of all ME.
