Is it pompous of me to think i sort of have a little upper hand right now. I am very certain that H wants me in his life for something... I know he like being 'friends' with me. he is constantly calling and texting and calling and texting so i guess he like me in his life a teeny bit.
Maybe this is when I should completely shut him out! But how the heck do I do that with a baby on the way!!!!
Do I ignore all calls and texts? Do I act cold and distant or rude? Do I refuse his help with the baby?
Hi, BD....yes, it does appear that you have the upper hand! So you can call all the shots. But I have to ask- what is the longest you have gone without talking to your H? How about in the last 2 months? I ask because taking a break from him, even just for a brief while like 2 days, will help you to figure out how to respond next. It's like you need to take a step back so you can look in on the sitch.
I think you say in text or email (so you don't get sucked in): "H, I am taking a break from you so I can get my thoughts and emotions together. Please do not contact me until I contact you. Of course I will let you know if I need your help. I'll talk to you soon."
What do you think? It doesn't have to be cold and rude. Distant, yes.
I don't know if you'll be able to do it though! (((hugs))) just being honest! But I promise you it will help you if you take a break, even if it is only a short one!
And then then the baby comes and this will start all over again. It is the hardest thing any of us will have to deal with in our life most likely.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
BD, overly emotional is what you are going to be right now and for about 40 days post birth, as your hormones run amock.
Maybe think about this from another angle: think about YOU. what do you need and want? If you think WH is 'asking' too much of you, take a day off from him. You don't need to make excuses or be rude about it. What helps you, helps your baby.
You & your baby are one. You are Queen.
Your WH is an outsider. His needs right now and post birth are irrelevant. Harsh, but true.
HUGS
Me 36; H 40 baby born in May M:13, T:15 Bomb (OW): Dec 09 began DBing: Feb WH overseas with OW old: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2027369#Post2027369
WH said he doesn't feel anything differently for me. Said you know how I've felt for a while. I knew there was a huge chance of this. WH said he didn't ask me to go see his niece, he doesn't text me or call me, I do it (meanwhile he can look in his phone and see he initiates everything) says he never said the papers were a mistake.
So there.
I feel sick today. Body aches like I have the flu. Some say it what your body goes through to get ready for labor.
I guess I just set myself up for this. By the way, I don't feel sick because of him, although I'm sure stress doesn't help. Maybe I needed to hear this.
All the "let's worry about the baby for now" is BS for I don't want to be a bad guy so I'm going to wait until your happy to crush you again.
Guess I needed to see and hear this. Guess deep inside I always knew. Just always wait for a small chance of a miracle. To be honest, I'm not sure I believe anyone comes back from this. Not how my sitch was handled by WH.
In the end he won. He left me. Gets a D, gets a son. And will live happily ever after. Without me.
I guess I just set myself up for this. By the way, I don't feel sick because of him, although I'm sure stress doesn't help. Maybe I needed to hear this.
All the "let's worry about the baby for now" is BS for I don't want to be a bad guy so I'm going to wait until your happy to crush you again.
Guess I needed to see and hear this. Guess deep inside I always knew. Just always wait for a small chance of a miracle. To be honest, I'm not sure I believe anyone comes back from this. Not how my sitch was handled by WH.
In the end he won. He left me. Gets a D, gets a son. And will live happily ever after. Without me.
He just stopped by to see if I was ok and said he did say the papers could be a mistake but that doesn't mean he want to fix things between us. Whatever. He is just buying himself time! Only cares about how he looks to everyone else!
BD, I hope you don't have the flu! Your H is so full of it--it is so obvious on the outside looking in that he loves you! But, as we have said numerous times, love must not be enough.
So even if you don't contact him, he feels free to stop by! Just do something pampering for yourself today. (((hugs)))
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Stand back Babydoll.. Look at your sitch as if it was someone elses. Gets a whole lot less emotional, right? Makes it easier to decide how to be and to act.
You are in such a powerful position. We all agree on that. Now use it to your advantage!
