Need a Plan for My Marriage

[LSG]

DLS,

I use to want my M more than anything, but somewhere along the way I lost that feeling. I just don't want the M anymore. I still do not want D either, but I do know that I want live a better life than the one I have now. I want my kids with me, and I will continue with a D because I do not have trust for my W. I know now is the time to just do it because I will not allow her to put me in this position someday in the future if she changes her mind. Maybe i am insecure, maybe I am realistic. I don't know. Just is what it is.

I would not want to be sexually involved with my W unless there is love too. I just don't have love for her. Sex without love is just sex, and it is hollow in the end and does not last.

I just could not touch her after she gave her love and self to another man.

I am making myself a better person, and I have to do that every moment of everyday. It is hard, but I will be happy someday soon I believe and feel really good about myself always.

I understand what you are saying, but I have to not give into temptation.

It is not the end of the story, but the beginning of a new one for me. I will stay on this forum because I still have long ways to go with making a better me.

[DaddyLongShanks]

LSG,

Its likely that you will have sex without love outside the relationship. What if your wife is getting it into gear at the very last second? You can't worry about it, you need to keep doing what your doing.

But it will be a choice you have if it is offered.

[LSG]

Well, my STBXW is pulling out all the stops to be a wonderful mom with the court hearing coming up soon. I have to be ready for whatever else she pulls. It will not be fun. I have no idea what she is planning.

I will be ready for her though. I am almost out of money and no job.

I bought the bread and peanut butter tonight, so I will be able to make it to the hearing date. I guess it will be fun for awhile. Not really!!!

I am in high spirits, and I will make it through this.

I hope I will keep my strength to make it through.

[idontunderstand]

Keep up your PMA! It's going to be tough but you can do it.

I'm glad you can see through her B.S. Mine pulls the same thing. I used to think she was coming out of the fog a little bit.

Not so much.

You sound really good, LSG. I'm proud of how far you have come.

Now, if I could get myself back on track, we would both be in good shape.

Keep it up!

[LSG]

IDU,

You will be okay. Things are different in our stitches. You still have hope for your M. I have lost all hope for the M, but I am hopeful to gain my freedom and a new life after my D. I will be glad when I have moved on.

I have a way I think to cover the cost of the attorney's fees. It is really going to cost me a small fortune to borrow the money, but it is worth it. My kids are worth it.

I e-mailed the OMW today, and her H is doing the same thing as my wife. He is at home earlier and more too. Same as my W. They are doing the same things.

[LSG]

Darn screen was jumping!

His W does not know what is going on, but I enlightened her a bit. She was worried about me. There is no need to worry about me these day. the lows are so far and few between.

W called twice tonight to see how we were doing and is very polite. More BS. I just don't care. I am polite back, listen and say "bye" I don't want to talk.

She is here, but she is not. I don't want her anymore even if she wanted to try again.

[LSG]

I never thought the woman I loved so much, I would come to loathe and despise in the way I do for her. I have no love for her in anyway whatsoever.

I have so much fun with the kids these days, and they have fun with me too.

I am really excited about the future I have with them without her. It will be good to be on my own and make decisions for me and the kids.

I never thought I would start feeling this way again. It is happening.

[LSG]

Well...I just had a talk with STBXW. She wanted to talk to me for 5 minutes. She just told me that she was planning on taking the kids out of state to Las Vegas with is in violation of the court documents. Apparently she bought non-refundable "O" tickets. I told her it is in the documents about the Temporary Restraining Order. She said she did not know about it. She said, "she would not take the kids away from me and wanted to spend more time with them." That is her fault for not reading the court documents better.

I told her she would not have my permission to take them. She said, "thank you." I said "you are welcome." I finished the conversation, and it is done.

I do not feel bad. She did not even tell me about it until tonight. She was going to take them without my permission. No way! She gave me a story it is her only break until the winter break. I am suppose to feel sorry for her. She has done so much damage to our family.

She just left to go buy some milk. I hope she is gone for awhile.

I should feel bad, but I don't.

[LSG]

W came home after buying some milk, and said there is salami and cheese for whoever wants it. She has changed her tune a lot lately. She is polite to me, no anger anymore.

It is just business. I do not plan to be treated like crap anymore from her ever. She will have to live with what is happening from her A and the consequences of her actions. She wanted the D, and she will get it. I will not ever be the doormat for her again.

It is truly liberating to be leading the life I am. I think I should quote someone, but I forget who said it in their thread at the moment. It is so nice to be at this place in my life.

I am living for the day and the moment now. I am becoming happy again. I still have some ups and downs along the way I am sure. I will take them one at a time as they come.

I have to take care of me now.

I am so glad for the people on this forum that have been helping to reach this point.

Thanks everyone!

[LSG]

W tried again to have my permission to take the kids for a three day trip overnight in California. I told her no. It is our decision as parents where the kids go or not, and I do not want our kids on an overnight trip during our divorce.