In my opionion you should be moving all responsabilities AWAY from him other than his OWN (let him do his own laundry and cook his own meals)
Working on this now.
Originally Posted By: Allen A
It doens't matter if he's gonig to be home, arrange to have someone watcy your D anyways... it tells HIM he's not RELAIBLE... He will make a stink about it...
Actually - he's asked for now that I not leave DD with him alone for extended periods. He likes it if his Mom is there to help because he feels he can't take care of her completely on his own with his current pain issues...I've talked to MIL about not enabling, but she feels bad when H looks at her with the puppy dog eyes. ARGH.
So I am now going to start automatically asking MIL to watch DD without worrying about him. And as a result of not wanting to leave DD with H, I've also been taking DD out with me a LOT more than I used to which all serves to show him that he won't be around her much if we do things his way.
Originally Posted By: Allen A
You also don't need to tell him when you are going out or where...
I still feel the need for common courtesy about the going out thing.. even though I feel like he doesn't deserve it, it's just too ingrained into me to not let someone know I won't be around for a while... maybe I should re-think that stance.
As far as the questioning on where: we had a discussion about this tonight. I told him I don't appreciate a grilling on my plans and I feel that by doing so he was questioning my right to do what I wanted, a right he is using as a reason for doing everything. He at first denied asking me. Then he admitted he did, but his opinion is that by asking he's showing he worries about me.. blah blah blah... I told him by his reasoning he can't ever get annoyed with me again about asking his whereabouts, and left it at that.
Originally Posted By: Allen A
And who's car is it? If its yours, tell him to get his own and have the car locked down so he can't use it
We each have a car. His just happens to have a gigantic fuel tank and gets really good gas mileage. Mine has a tiny gas tank, but gets good gas mileage. Even with his running around, I run out of gas before he does, and therefore I limit my movements accordingly. He does NOT. And since I don't have my own income yet, he doesn't let me know how much money he has till I ask for gas money.. ooops... not enough for gas cause H did other stuff with it... gee thanks. I can't wait to get a job again.
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Well, there is some interesting news when I checked the cell records tonight... since I set the boundary about H being disrespectful by carrying on phone calls with OW in front of me and DD, H has only had 4 phone calls of more than 1 min in length with OW in the past 5 days (had been TONS more) and two of those were her calling him (and none of them were in front of me).. I KNOW he still chats with her like crazy when she's online, but I'm surprised he has somewhat tried to respect this boundary.. a little glimmer of hope flames, but I know I can't rely on it till he respects me enough to end the contact all together.
Last edited by elvencat; 06/22/1005:30 AM.
Me 32, H 34, DD 3 M 6, T 8 Bomb 03/10 OW Bomb 6/5/10 Separate & NC 6/28/10 My 2nd EA Thread
