WW: Need to reschedule MC session until me and DD's get back M: Any areas or concerns you would like to discuss that I can relay to MC WW: No...we don't have to keep it if you don't want to WW: logistics about our DD's M: fine WW: are you mad? (referring to DD logistics) M: No not at all (answering DD logistics) M: Well if you are still in contact with OM there may be no point in meeting MC. WW: Your choice M: alright...I'll let you know WW: While we are gone maybe you should work on the house in case we have to sell
Haven't responded yet...going to GAL and grab a beer by myself
Last edited by loweinsd51; 06/22/1012:27 AM.
M-43 FWW-42 T 20 M 16 DD10 DD8 EA: 1/10 Informal separation: 6/11/2010 Headed for D: 7/6/2010 Piecing? 9/10/10
M: Well if you are still in contact with OM there may be no point in meeting MC. WW: Your choice
Weren't you telling her that it's herchoice.....if she's still in contact with OM or not? Sounds like she wiggled out without giving a straight answer. Or maybe she did?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Well...had another TM exchange with WW last night...more of the same.
WW once again brought our DD's in the middle and continues to deny her affair and still refers to it as a "friendship" and calls "affair" my words which I reminded her that OM and WW kissed and got a hotel room together to just "talk"
Naturally WW accused me of being controlling and I consistently reminded her that I'm doing what needs to be done to keep this family together and protect it from outside predators and WW is free to join me in rebuilding our family.
WW said maybe we'll be more productive discussing D to which I replied I will let you know my decision at a time and place of my choosing.
WW also tried to change the subject on what to do about the house to which I replied "I haven't decided what to do about the house yet"
WW still doesn't get the concept of a boundary and refers to the boundary as an ultimatum. I reminded her that I never said she couldn't be "friends" with OM or not contact him...I said that if you continue to contact OM then I will leave this marriage. What you do is YOUR choice but you will own the consequence for crossing the boundary.
Sandi - At one point WW said "I need to decide if you are worth that" when we were discussing the boundary. I also got WW to admit that her affair was the first selfish thing she has done in her life only after I reminded her that not to long ago WW told me "I finally did something for me" and that she lied to me, our DD's and my parents so that she could spend the night in a hotel with OM which she claims nothing physical happened.
May have backslid slightly from my 180 but I didn't start the TM session...I was replying to an earlier TM from WW. I did go to the local bistro and have a beer by myself and I'm going over to a friends house tonight...earring is still in!
Day 16 of not sending a good morning TM to WW!
Last edited by loweinsd51; 06/22/1002:15 PM.
M-43 FWW-42 T 20 M 16 DD10 DD8 EA: 1/10 Informal separation: 6/11/2010 Headed for D: 7/6/2010 Piecing? 9/10/10
Naturally WW accused me of being controlling and I consistently reminded her that I'm doing what needs to be done to keep this family together and protect it from outside predators and WW is free to join me in rebuilding our family.
. . .
WW still doesn't get the concept of a boundary and refers to the boundary as an ultimatum. I reminded her that I never said she couldn't be "friends" with OM or not contact him...I said that if you continue to contact OM then I will leave this marriage. What you do is YOUR choice but you will own the consequence for crossing the boundary.
She has a lot to think about and that I'm showing her no reason to want to be with me when I behave this way.
I am showing her an ugly side of me, one that she doesn't want anything to do with.
I am making it hard for her to like me.
A: "I'm really sorry you feel that way. That's certainly not my intent - to be ugly."
And then make a note to yourself to make sure she either witnesses you, or hears about you, dealing very positively (even charming) with other people, in other situations.
L51, the trick to "loving detachment" is to get BOTH halves of that equation correctly. Be strong, without being a dikk.
