Thank you so much I just read this today, I am still trying to figure out how to find where people are replying to me and my posts.
My BF (Fiancé) is afraid of things never changing with me and in response to me, him. For the most part he always pressured me to get married but sometimes it felt like a seal the deal situation verses us coming together,(and with my age too I didn't feel like I knew what it was going to take to be a wife) while towards the situation we are in I was finally feeling secure and ready for us to begin really focusing on marriage.
Right now he is still in the mind frame of everything, arguing, nagging, finances, time management, time spent together or lack there of , obligations with school ect. was all my fault. I know that it took two to create some of our problems. When I look at this forum I see a lot of the same complaints about arguing about the small stuff and the typical couples fight type things. My family and us (BF& me)are very close as his is very divided and unstable with step-family and split members while I am close to his dad and brother (his mother(s) have always been an issue). My family has a history of lots of verbal yelling and aggression which is something that has always effected me and our relationship.Which one incident was what he felt was the last straw (back in April) and was his reason for stepping out of our circle. I was hurt most of all because I felt unsupported and abandoned where and when I needed him as a partner and the problem was completely out of my control and yet I felt he expected me to react and take matters differently, when I can't help the way my father acts or responds to things
We have emailed very little and communicated once a week via phone on his terms for things that seem almost like he is/has found reasons to call with the ball in his court. (i.e. 3weeks ago, I did slip up and called him late sat. night he didn't pick up but called me Sunday 3 times until he got a hold of me to tell me how hard it is for him to deal with this and how much it hurts and I can't be calling him. I stood strong {I felt like} and admitted I should not have called and I understand the way things have been making him feel to the best I could. He ended the discussion very aggressive and anxious/ in a fret and telling me not to call him. Then the following day Mon. he called me repeated times (4x) as I was at school never leaving a message , then he called my parents house spoke to my mom saying he was trying to get a hold of me(this is not a big deal cause he calls regularly to see how everyone is) then as I by chance was at my parents that evening my dad answered and he asked if I was there and he had been trying to get a hold of me. (my dad didn't thank anything of it and like he would normally he handed the phone to me = putting me on the spot) The whole point of this was to tell me I had left a camera piece at his place and he was going to drop it off for me????? These are the hardest situations because I don't know how to respond or react to those kind of situations.
Lately the harder things have been my little sisters who consider him blood (ages 19&14) have been inviting him to things and asking him to join us for social events such as a mutual friend of ours baby shower and family dinner(with me there or not). He did spend some time with them last 2 weeks ago and kind of spent a good while talking about me and how he felt as if I was always angry at him. They said he sounded more like himself then they have been hearing.
The most challenging event was my birthday last Tuesday where my sisters asked him to join us for my birthday dinner (with out my knowledge as the above requests were too). He did call me about 6pm saying very distantly(probably to protect himself)"Happy B-day,hope you have a great 25th" then proceeding to say that he knows it's going to be a painful day for me and that he doesn't want to be an a-hole and that he isn't trying to do that while my sisters keep inviting him to things(the conversation was very choppy) he just can't not now he doesn't know when "his life, he doesn't have much of an understanding of what his life has now or when he will be ready for what ever and he just doesn't know what it is in his future he has no understanding of what it is"
I replied saying thank you for your call it meant much for me to hear from him and to get some rest (he said he was really worn out from the day and work was long)
It makes me feel secure that he is still keeping in contact with my sisters but i know this is hard for them too which is hard for me to see. I do feel good to know that I can tell he is also going through this time too as I am.
Thank you so very much for your encouragement and hopes I know that the future is lively ahead, I am just growing stronger and stronger with each new thing I learn about myself.
