The only thing that frightens me now is how detached I feel (it was unexpected) and whether or not I'm becoming a WAW.
PEI, I can completely relate! Read the last three weeks of my thread (not very many posts) and you will see that I experienced the same thing. I think it's probably a good place to be right now, even though it's uncomfortable. I hope that if I live there for a while, I'll eventually be able to move back to my real feeling self, but with more peace and clarity.
M 65 H 64 T 39 & M 36 @ S 12/08 Two Ds
Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. ~ The Weather Man
Yep! Been there! Eventually, it happens. Probably a protective emotional mechanism.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
So this thing that you are feeling, this level of detatchment, is exactly where you should be.
I know it feels wierd, scary, and a bit uncomfortable right now.
That feeling won't last as you recognize this for what it really is, which is a part of the process.
This DOES NOT mean that you are done, that you don't love your H, that you don't want your M.
It give you the opportunity to really look at things, from a different perspective and make decisions that are not as based on emotions, fear, what if's.
It is really you becoming an independent person once again. Which is really how we should remain, even when we are in relationships.
Something that happens when we get married, united, is we end up becoming two people, with one agenda. Instead of two people with individual agendas and one common goal.
So don't be afraid of this.
Keep doing what you have been doing.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
So this thing that you are feeling, this level of detatchment, is exactly where you should be.
I know it feels wierd, scary, and a bit uncomfortable right now.
That feeling won't last as you recognize this for what it really is, which is a part of the process.
You know, I think that what really kinda scared me was my level of comfort with it. That really surprised me.
Originally Posted By: cat04
This DOES NOT mean that you are done, that you don't love your H, that you don't want your M.
It give you the opportunity to really look at things, from a different perspective and make decisions that are not as based on emotions, fear, what if's.
This is so true. That M is over. And I have an opportunity now to make sure that any R I get involved in from this day forward is a healthy compliment to my self-improved independance - as opposed to a fear based co-dependant parent/child kinda thing. Could that be with H? Not now. Maybe in the future, but since I don't have a crystal ball I'm not going to get hung up on that anymore. I really like the open door and hallway analogy ... I really feel like this is a long hallway, and I've left the door at the end partially open. I'm walking down the hallway, away from the door ... the door is still open a bit, and should he ever try to come back through it, he'll have a ways to go to catch up to me - if he can. Not sure if I explained that well or not, but oh well!
Originally Posted By: cat04
It is really you becoming an independent person once again. Which is really how we should remain, even when we are in relationships.
Something that happens when we get married, united, is we end up becoming two people, with one agenda. Instead of two people with individual agendas and one common goal.
I heard someone the other day (or maybe I read it??) say that too often married partners refer to themselves as 'we' which is one entity, instead of a 'team' which is individuals with common goals.
Originally Posted By: cat04
So don't be afraid of this.
Keep doing what you have been doing.
Thanks Cat ... I really appreciate it.
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Oh, and thanks Twink and BeingMe (I'm slow on the uptake ... took me a while to process that it was you shelbel! lol ... even with the reference in your sig!)
Just another day in the life of an LBS to an MLC WAH ...
La dee da dee da ... Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
I just saw your family on F/B, you had a beautiful family....children, husband and yourself...what a shame.........you are beautiful!!! what is wrong with these MLC'er......
not yet friends, but I am with eric and i could see your pics on f/b ....will sent a friend request later on tonight but I really meant it about your family ...your children are so amazingly beautiful and you and hubby made them.....ttyl
