Exposed finally,,limbo land

[Allen A]

Yep, that's why we are here to offer suggestions.. I know its hard to think right now... Been there...

You can think on it, but I don't think what you're saying is helping you unfortunately...

You want to :

1. Wake your wife up to the realities of what she's doing
2. Show her you are NOT supporting it
3. Invite your wife to participate as a family

Those ARE your goals aren't they?

Each time you say something check what you are saying to make sure its meeting your goals, or don't say it...

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Agree with Allen.

Puppy

[Optimust]

She wants BOTH OF US TOGETHER to tell DD's that we are going to get a D. What do I say to that?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Tell her you will BE there, to answer any questions your daughter may have, but this is HERS to own. No "Daddy and I both feel this is best," etc.

Puppy

[Optimust]

I told her this morning that I have responsibilities and obligations and that she also has them. I said she could choose to ignore them but that I was not going to and I would be staying in the house, and she could choose to join me (I didn’t word it quite that well but she got the point).

I think I’m taking 14 yr old camping for a night or two with brother. I will try to hopefully bond a bit with her, and let her know that I’m there for her no matter what happens between her mom and I.

W said that maybe I should talk to 14 yr old about D while gone and then she could when we got back. (no,no,no)ME – “That can not happen, because DD can not feel in any way that either one of us is putting the other down. I cannot tell her you are divorcing me, because she could take that as a moral attack against you. I can not say WE want a D, because WE do not want a D, you need to tell her, and I will be there to confirm YOU want a D or separation.”

I’m also still awaiting/dreading the papers that her lawyer is working on.

We did go to dinner with her dad and step mom, it was pleasant, and nothing came up because DD14 was there. She slept in our bed, even though DD8 was with my B, and her bed was open.

[Optimust]

Allen or Puppy - she just TM "I'm going to look at that room for rent in so-and-so's house".

This is after saying that she can choose to ignore Obligations, or join me in house.

Now what?

[sandi2]

I told her this morning that I have responsibilities and obligations and that she also has them. I said she could choose to ignore them but that I was not going to and I would be staying in the house, and she could choose to join me (I didn’t word it quite that well but she got the point).

Guess she thought she would ignore them.

[Optimust]

Is there any little TM I could shoot back that would help at this point?

[Allen A]

Silence often says everything you want to say OPTI, you need to learn to let your absence and your silence speak for you sometimes.. its one of your most powerful weapons

[Allen A]

Just out of curiosity have you made any effort to EDUCATE your wife about the impact divorce has on parents and children?

Chapter 1 of Divorce remedy is a great start... But I would start doing research to SET an EXAMPLE for her to FOLLOW

Collect good artilces attacking divorce, describing in detail how it harms children.. print them up and leave them around the house

Then when your wife starts talking about divorce you tell her you don't want to hear about it and that she's hurting YOUR children... and

WALK AWAY...

Leave the articles in your work areas in front of your PC etc... don't SHOW them to her or throw them at her... she just needs to SEE you are THINKING LONG and HARD about your decisions... Oftentimes this offers a good nudge so the spouse will start doing the same...

Opti, right NOW you need to be setting an example, and panic isn't going to help... buckle down and start doing what you want HER to do

a. Research choices before making them
b. Collect info on rebuilding marriages
c. Focus on making choices that adults will do
d. Set an example for your spouse and your children to follow

This is what you want HER to do... YOU need to start doing these things FIRST.. she is not giong to suddenly up and do them...

You need to be doing them LOUD and CLEAR... ALL of them and MORE

And Note : NONE of this involves sending text messages back and forth...