Good for you IB for leaving a text. I always felt good in my heart that I was doing the right thing and acknowledging holidays etc. Your h even gave a response.
Nice job! Enjoy your day regardless of what your h is up to.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Well H is upstairs watching movie with S. Me - downstairs - did something kind of rebellious:) H is addicted to the phone chat lines - you know the ones that are advertised late at night on tv. Call to meet singles? Well did you know that you can also (for a price) hook up with one of these people? Yes - it used to be called prostitution - not sure what the term is for it now. So...out of curiosity I called and listened and guess what???? I heard my H claiming to be 43 (not) AND much thinner than he currently is:) MLC???? So...I left a "sexy" (as much as a middle aged mother of 3 can be) - disguised voicemail saying "call me" which means he will leave a "message" in my phone chat voicemail! HYSTERICAL!!!!!!!!! OK - maybe I have sunk to his level - but it just reinforces the MLC diagnosis for me! Don't turn me in:)
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
So right Grace. So I couldn't go all the way through with it - I confessed to him that I left him a message. He was speechless - then said "oh well" I can't be something that I'm not - I don't do things like this. I thought I would feel good - but I didn't. Today my Marriage Vine email's topic from Marriage Builders was "Don't Give Up". Basically from the book Desperate Marriages by Gary Chapman - the theory is the first step towards repair is for one to not give up. I'm one week into separation and I can't give up. My son is so hurt - I have to stay strong. Thanks!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
OK - so I really did screw up. H is in control now because I confessed that I left him a message on the phone chat line and I felt bad and shouldn't have done it. Now - as crazy as it sounds - he has the upper hand because I admitted doing something I shouldn't have done. I have gone 2.5 days without tears / but realizing that I've lost my best friend of 28+ years has overwhelmed me. We have done practically everything through these years and almost the entire time - with no problems or signs of dissatisfaction. I know that MLC changes the universe / but for those still on earth - it's tough.
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
Thanks TG - I am trying - it is so hard / I am trying to keep one facade up for my kids and one for me (the detached one) I am scared and sadder than I have ever been in my life
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
I feel like I am talking to the wind here - but it helps anyway! I call H tonight to let him know that he is "losing" S - not good interactions. H says that he knows but that "he does not want to be with me!!!!!!!!" I said - I am clear on that. In fact - I actually say " I am clear on that "Joe" (fake name used on phone chat line) - "43 years old" - To which H says "I am hanging up" which he does! OK - so friends help me - do you validate an MLCs "reality"? I realize that he is pissed right now - and that I need to completely go dark - but do I need to explain that to my 16 year old S = so that he understands? I am never going to get through this!!!!!!!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
I feel like I am talking to the wind here - but it helps anyway! I call H tonight to let him know that he is "losing" S - not good interactions. H says that he knows but that "he does not want to be with me!!!!!!!!"
Guilt will push him further away. I'm sure he feels bad about having his relationship with his son slip away. Does he handle it correctly? No, not yet. Let him feel this loss on his own. He doesn't need any reminders from you.
Let him repair that relationship on his own as well. Your son is old enough for this. Keep quiet and do your best not to speak negatively about his father in front of him.
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I said - I am clear on that. In fact - I actually say " I am clear on that "Joe" (fake name used on phone chat line) - "43 years old" - To which H says "I am hanging up" which he does!
Seriously? What are you trying to accomplish with this? I'm not surprised he hung up.
The man has promblems, serious ones. Two wrongs don't make a right. Disrespecting him isn't going to get you very far.
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OK - so friends help me - do you validate an MLCs "reality"? I realize that he is pissed right now
Well sure he is. You intentionally pissed him off. Why? How is that going to help. I understand he has hurt you but stooping to his level isn't the way to get through this.
You don't have to validate poor behavior but it isn't an excuses to be disrespectful either. Throwing gas on this fire isn't very wise.
How can you express all your worries about your son and his father and then turn around and intentionally say or do something to make matters worse?
OK - so I really did screw up. H is in control now because I confessed that I left him a message on the phone chat line and I felt bad and shouldn't have done it. Now - as crazy as it sounds - he has the upper hand because I admitted doing something I shouldn't have done.
Are you serious?? Upper hand??!! Is this really how you view this whole thing.
You need to stop worrying about him. You have PLENTY of things to deal with and work on when it comes to you.
This is an extremely immature way to view things and behave. This is difficult enough as it is. I have no idea why you wish to make it even more so.
Your actions don't match your words. How the hell can this man trust you with what you've been doing. YES I said trust YOU.
He'll never come back to you if you are going to play games and throw this in his face.
