Hey there, Ms. A - Sorry you are at this place, but I want to offer you a little encouragement to look at this in a different light.
He may have done you a favor.
My H and I reconciled after his infidelity early in our marriage. Had three kids and I had to watch them suffer through his subsequent infidelity and our recent divorce.
I'm now 54 and dating. And believe it or not, although I loved my husband madly all those years, I don't miss him a bit now. My life is full and much happier now that I'm not dealing with his drama.
And like you, I have peace in my heart knowing I did everything I could to save my marriage.
I recommend finding a project you can focus on for a while. With H's last infidelity, I trained to climb Mt. Whitney. With the divorce, I bought a drum set and learned to play the drums in a rock band (oh yes I DID ).
Ask yourself, what have you always wanted to do? And then do it. It's wonderful for helping you to stop dwelling. (And yes, I'm an in-control kind of person too, I had a really hard time accepting I couldn't fix things. But someone said "let go or be dragged" - and once I let go of my expectations, everything got better )
).
