Took DD's back home and worked a great 180 with WW...cheerful, strong, outgoing, and confident! Didn't engage WW in to much conversation...mostly talked/joked with DD's at dinner. DD's gave me the lovely Fathers Day gifts they made in school and WW gave me her present...no card...just a present. WW did manage to wish me Happy Fathers Day verbally. Took DD's to park after dinner...then came home gave them hugs and kisses and said thank you to WW for my gift then left.
Had a great IC session Friday...IC told me to start doing things for myself to define who I am rather than letting our M and WW define who I am. IC also agreed that WW has a lot of growing up to do especially after I told IC about WW taking back my birthday present.
Last month on two separate occasions, I decided to start wearing an earring again. After WW made the following two comments, "do you know how ridiculous you look" and in front of DD's "you like embarrassing your daughters?" I took the earring out...weak...weak...weak! I've since started to wear my earring again much to WW's chagrin(she made a comment at dinner yesterday which I ignored)and I will decide when to take it out if ever!
M-43 FWW-42 T 20 M 16 DD10 DD8 EA: 1/10 Informal separation: 6/11/2010 Headed for D: 7/6/2010 Piecing? 9/10/10
WW still contacting OM although she doesn't know that I've checked the cell phone records. I've opened up a separate bank account so I'm tempted to deposit the required amount and start direct depositing my paycheck into my private account and then write WW a check to cover groceries and such for our DD's.
Should I also start interviewing mediators and attorneys?
I don't know that I've given my 180 enough of a chance to work but obviously she has no regard for my boundary although I set no time limit.
I am patient but I think I need to ratchet up the pressure a bit.
Advice please.
Last edited by loweinsd51; 06/21/1008:33 PM.
M-43 FWW-42 T 20 M 16 DD10 DD8 EA: 1/10 Informal separation: 6/11/2010 Headed for D: 7/6/2010 Piecing? 9/10/10
WW still contacting OM although she doesn't know that I've checked the cell phone records. I've opened up a separate bank account so I'm tempted to deposit the required amount and start direct depositing my paycheck into my private account and then write WW a check to cover groceries and such for our DD's.
I think this is ALWAYS wise when a spouse is wayward. They can wipe out a family's joint assets pretty quickly, if they set their mind to it, and right now her mind's a mess, and it categorically does NOT have your marriage's best interests at heart if she's still in contact with OM.
If you do this, TELL her once you've done it (not before). Be confident, and tell her "I feel this is best, considering where we are right now." Do not apologize for it, nor be angry or accusatory -- just matter-of-fact. Don't pay for ANYTHING that enables her affair or waywardness (cellphone, hair coloring, make-up, cosmetic surgery, gifts for OM, etc.). DO pay for her legitimate needs (insurance, food, shelter [but not her own place]), and err on the side of being generous when in doubt.
Recently, I've confronted WW when I've checked the cell phone records and saw that she is still contacting OM.
Part of my 180 is to not confront her when I see she is still contacting OM...perhaps it may reinforce to WW that I'm moving on with or without her.
Also, I will confront her about continued contact with OM at a time and place of my choosing although I'm so tempted to TM her right now that I will file D if she continues to contact OM.
But I know...I know...don't act on emotion
Last edited by loweinsd51; 06/21/1009:23 PM.
M-43 FWW-42 T 20 M 16 DD10 DD8 EA: 1/10 Informal separation: 6/11/2010 Headed for D: 7/6/2010 Piecing? 9/10/10
OK...withdrew money from our joint account and put it in my new private account. Haven't done direct deposit yet but waiting for WW to ask about the ATM withdrawal from our joint account.
Maybe something like "Considering our situation and your continued violation of my boundary, I've decided to start financially protecting this family from your continued poor choices"
M-43 FWW-42 T 20 M 16 DD10 DD8 EA: 1/10 Informal separation: 6/11/2010 Headed for D: 7/6/2010 Piecing? 9/10/10
