If your MIL had many boyfriends & exhusbands, I would be not be surprised to find out your W was sexually molested when she was a girl. That could be why she has problems being intimate.
You said she is a good person and has made a better one out of you. That is wonderful, but it is going to be very hard for you to accept that she is different now. As long as you try to hold to what she used to be, you're going to have cheeseless tunnels. Whether she is a WAW or in MLC.....she isn't the girl you M. You'll have to start thinking about this with a totally different mindset.
Did you read Michele's WAW Syndrome? To me, 37 sounds so young to even think of MLC. But, she could have some hormone imbalance and that would certainly add to the confusion for her.
Glad to hear you like to read b/c you'll see different thing sujected here on the board. Don't expect your W to read anything. In fact, it's best not to suggest that she read anything b/c she's not into that and she'll reject it just b/c it's from you.
She has a strong negative feeling about you and every word that comes out of your mouth. So keep that in mind and expect a negative reaction....and be prepared mentally for that. LB's are continually shocked at the behavior of a WS but I think most of that is b/c they have a hard time seeing their loved one change into this other person who is not lovable or even likable.
The main thing I believe men need to do ASAP is to stop any passive behavior they have with her or anyone else. My H was "too good" also. But I reached a point that it would burn me up to see him just sit back and let other people take advantage of his good nature. After so many years, I started losing respect for him b/c of that, but mostly b/c he let me take advantage of him.
He would not stand up to me like I needed him to do. He would not discipline the children (I had to do it). He would not talk with me or go places or want to do anything for fun.(Thought I'd just throw that in FYI.) And, I began wondering why I M the man. I am sure I was a challenge for him, and he wanted to keep the peace. But what was happening was he was being "passive" and I hated it. I believe most W's do. That is why I asked the question that I did in the previous post.
WAW's don't have respect for the H. To say she needs to be away from you to "see if she misses you" is a bunch of stuff. I bet she knows if she would miss her child if she was away from him....and she doesn't even have to leave to find out. It's an excuse. She wants out of the M. If she moved out, it wouldn't be two weeks until she'd be saying there's no hope and she wants a D.
You need a plan, and here's something to jump start it. (1)She needs to respect you as a man, H, and the father of her child. And, in that order. (2)She needs a big dose of reality of what life without you would be for her.
You can start at once with these. Taking the master bedroom back is a good place to start reclaiming your position as head of the home. If she doesn't want to sleep in there, that's her problem but you need your bed to sleep in. Let her stomp out and throw the pillows around. Never fear her anger! Let her blow and snort.....she'll get over it or leave. And, that's the attitude you'll have to have.
You need to think about what you cannot live with in a MR and make that a boundary. She must respect the boundary or suffer the consequences. If there is not consequence for her....there's no real boundary.
Here's Coach's thread on boundaries. It has Pup's and some others that are very good.
