WAW EA told her to leave

[Puppy Dog Tails]

OK -- I do wish you luck.

Out of curiosity, how much money are we talking about?

Puppy

[DangerDave]

Greek, OTMT, AJM, Shocked - anyone want to chime in here - I thinks its been a good weekend for me!

Thanks

DD

[DangerDave]

Hey Puppy -

I'll keep that off the boards - if you want to know drop me a pm or something!

Thanks

Dave

[DangerDave]

Greek, OTMT, AJM, Shocked - anyone want to chime in here - I thinks its been a good weekend for me!

Thanks

DD

[ShockedOne]

It sounds like a very positive weekend. While I can understand what PDT is saying, I wish you the best outcome from that. Don't be too surprised with any pull back you may see from W. She may sense that she had let her guard down a bit too much and feel the need to put up some walls again.
Shock

[Greek]

Sounds like you're doing all the heavy lifting. When are you going to ask something of Mrs. Dave?

Greek

[DangerDave]

Thanks Shocked, only time will tell and I am prepared for the new walls - lets see if they are the same height as before!

Thanks again!

Dave

[DangerDave]

Hi Greek!

I think I understand your post, but I think I have a few more lifts in me before I press for to some mutual help with our R. This weekend was a significant move somewhere, and I think I want to keep things somewhat static here right now - nothing resembling pursuit or pushing! Got the concert in reserve for a future nudge - we'll have to wait and see - time and patience right?

Thanks again!!!

DD

[AJM]

Hey Danger - I applaud your intelligence and methodical approach. You are very good. But I would like to offer some caution I had from my own experience.

What you've done sounds to me like you practicing conditional love and unconditional. Confusing to you and to her I'm sure. On the other hand, you back away well which is a good thing.

I don't think what you are doing is wrong because you obviously love her very much. You also have a lowered self-esteem from the sound of it. I can tell you from my own experience that my stbx played a similar game. I did similar things, and in the end she was just interested in appeasing her conscience to make herself feel like she could look back and say she tried. Be wary of that. This is a marathon and not a sprint.

Saying that I feel I should suggest that you quickly spend as much time as possible finding what it is that recharges you and only you. Focus on you. Focus on you. I said it twice because it is that important. No matter what else you do, you very much need to focus more on you and not be her caretaker as much as you can help it. She needs to feel the consequences of her actions and sooner than later. I'm not suggesting you should be mean and nasty. I'm suggesting you detach more and let her decide if she is staying or not. And not for the guilt she seems to feel right now.

Make sense?

AJ

[DangerDave]

Hi AJM,

Sorry for the late response, but I am really trying to stay off the boards on a daily basis - better for my overall mental health! Also reading all the stories here have me at times losing my focus on ME and my R - not that I don't have sincere empathy for everyone in this HELL, but all sitch's seem to cross paths like a double helix, the routes may be different but the map and destination are all the same - it is fascinating to me how they all intertwine really!

Yes I agree that I need to re-emphasize my personal fun factors and pursue them more right now. I really think that I don't need to raise my detachment level from W at this time as it seems to be at a tipping point - much more and she's going to resent it and look at it as me being mean and nasty (not my intention at all, but I do know her sensitivity better than anyone in the world!). Also I think it's important for me to include our kids in these fun factors, good for me and them too and it's also a significant emotional trigger for her that I'm being the dad that every man should be - just how she's wired.

So with that it mind, it will be a slight amount of additional detachment, but will include our family sans W, so a win win regardless for me and the kids.

I will post my weekly update here shortly, it's been a pretty good week overall, no significant set backs and some small baby steps forward again!

AJM thanks for your and everyone's support here - it makes my day really!

DD