It truly pisses me off as well to know someone could just throw something away as precious as an entire family.
She told me the other day that she sees no other choice because of the way it's affecting the children. My D15 is pissed as hell for her tearing the family apart and for some reason my W thinks that by making a decision me D15 will be cool with it.
we're civil and getting along. She actually had me over for dinner on fathers day and she gave me gifts from the children. It was a really nice and surprising gesture. I told the children thank you and that I'm not used to getting gifts for fathers day. My W said she always gets me something for Fathers Day. It was and incorrect statement, but she believes it.
When we were talking the other day she said she may change her mind one day. it could be in a few months or 6 months who knows. She also said she realizes it could be too late by the point. I know for sure she will probably regret it and it probably will be too late.
I refuse to wait around for her to change her mind now that she has filed and made this decision. it was completely different when we were actively working to save our marriage. Now the dynamic of things has changed drastically.
I think this really sucks and is very unfortunate, but I know for sure that I'm going to be just fine.
Married 18 Me 39 W 37 D 15 D 5 Divorce Filed 8 April 2010 Beginning of Reconcile 8 Sept
I feel the same way you do about my W throwing away my family too. It is very selfish for the WASs to do this. The dynamics do change once they have filed for D. It is like something goes through your head, and it is time to move on and let go.
You will be fine, and focuse on the kids and you.
Last edited by LSG; 06/21/1005:41 AM.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
Let me ask you this - Do you think if I was capable of "more fun to throw up the spinnaker and sail down wind?" that I would have ended up here at this board?
Excellent Steady. But this is a question I cannot answer for you. You need to ask it to yourself. Excellent question though.
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I tried to answer your other questions but everything i wrote is irrelvant to me right now
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received a phone call from my wife a little bit ago that a life long friend of mine and brother in law just blew his brains out. since this is still up and im really sad, i will tell you, he and his wife went through an awful divorce, as messed up as many on this site, and he could never move on. the more he tried the worse it got.
i wrote what i saw a couple time on here before. I remember him begging and pleading and coming over to our house trying to talk to us as family hoping we could help convince his wife to give him a yet another chance. I remember him crying alot. he tried so hard in all the wrong ways. and she wanted nothing to do with him any longer.
he was one of the reason i said what i did above and over and over before on this site. i told him the same thing as a brother. he didnt listen. i really dont know what matters love? whatever.
Steve I agree with the things you've said. I have no issue with any of it. But I didn't really 'get it' until it was too late.(whatever that means)
I'm sure you would agree with this - if we could give everyone a pill that would immediately detach them completely emotionally and mentally from their sitch there would be a much larger success ratio.
The problem I see is that I had to go through what I went through to get to the point I needed to be at when I walked in here..lol. A giant catch 22.
But like Mike from Tennessee used to say - it's not about the marriage, it's about saving yourself.
And I do agree with you on the statements you made on how unattractive it is to watch the person you lost interest in unravel and become even less attractive.
But it begs the question - If my spouse gains 100 lbs, or is injured and paralyzed, or any other situation you can think of - well it cause me to 'lose interest' in them, but is that a green light to walk away?
I think the idea of marriage is now obsolete. It's more like... I do, until I change my mind. And that change in mind usually comes when the marriage hits the 'for worse' part. Who knows. Maybe there will be a day when no one gets married. Seems like it doesn't really mean much anymore.
My STBX went to court last Wed and got a Temp Order of Protection. I signed for it on Thurs and when I read it I was totally dumbfounded. She totally fabricated some events and lied about other things that can be easily checked with some phone/text msg subpoena's.
The funny thing is this, I don't care. It really cut out the last piece of me that was interested in her in some way. I can see now how desperate she is to get what she wants. She is now stooping to outright fabrication. Before it was only embellishment and exaggerating, but now it's down to outright lying.
I really feel sorry for her. It's a hell of a way to have to live and I wouldn't want to live 3 seconds in her skin.
tbart, detach. I would leave the 'friendly' [censored] out at the curb and start calling her on any sh#t she throws out there.
I have my sails full up, going with the wind and hugging anything that I see on the river on the way. I love my life, I love my kids, I love my family.
All the rest of life doesn't really mean anything when it comes right down to it.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
I do agree with you on the statements you made on how unattractive it is to watch the person you lost interest in unravel and become even less attractive.
But it begs the question - If my spouse gains 100 lbs, or is injured and paralyzed, or any other situation you can think of - well it cause me to 'lose interest' in them, but is that a green light to walk away?
So well said, steady. The vows say "For better or for worse," and I might not be very religious, but I'm not a quitter. Walking away from a relationship for whatever reason (short of abuse or violence, of course) is QUITTING. It's not "moving on with your life," "starting over," "creating a clean slate." It's QUITTING. And I find that particularly reprehensible when there are young children involved ... because what's the message that's sent to them?
I hear what you're saying. I want to walk away and not think twice, but it's pretty difficult.
I'm still confused by this entire decision. We have a M worth saving and that can be saved, but she throws in the towel. We get along great.
She told me that she may think differently down the road, and she knows it will possibly be too late because i will have moved on.
It's completely sad that she just doesn't get it. My D4 asked me last night if i was sleeping at the house, when I told her no she said she doesn't like it when i leave. made me sad as hell.
Remember though, she's doing what's best for the kids. Whatever, it's 100% all about her in this situation. My D15 doesn't even like being around her because of what she's doing.
Anyway, i guess it all doesn't really matter anymore. I know that I made great changes and putt full effort into it. i was unable to give her the time and space she needed, and that's why this failed.
Married 18 Me 39 W 37 D 15 D 5 Divorce Filed 8 April 2010 Beginning of Reconcile 8 Sept
Hold on, T. Your last line makes no sense. It's incorrect.
Always remember who "didn't" change. You acted to change. She chose not to. And it clearly us 100% about her. Completely self-centered.
Your sitch will likely be how mine plays out as well. The most important thing is that YOU will detach from the situation and be able to focus and you and your D's.
AND IT DOES MATTER. You didn't quit. You have to remember that. Your D's will.
I'm not Puppy, or Greek, or Allen or Coach. I'm just a dad like you living the worst case scenario. But the ring I proudly wear on my finger is MY commitment to my family. And WE come first. She makes the decision to leave. And if she does figure it out and it is too late (because you and your D's have moved on), SHE gets to think about that forever.
Excellent. I cant believe the number of people I know that are almost best friends with their EX's and the times I have heard, "We are such great friends we just didnt make a very good married couple" or "I dont know why we didnt get along this good when we were married." Some of them I think still fool around with each other because they never did drive the stake through the heart in all of their arguments.
