Stuck and don't know how to proceed

[sportsfan]

I texted H yesterday about family dinner (my bro is in town) with my Dad and H said he had a bad day at work and was feeling anti-social so didn't want to go, but tell Dad Happy Father's Day. I responded with, "U win. I give up". I've been contemplating going dark for a while now, but as I wrote before, I was too scared to do it.

I have spent the last ten months db'ing, i.e. continuing to GAL, not pursuing, no R talk. Basically, being my usual happy-go-lucky self and I know he really likes spending time with me. He used to call me "personality plus" and I've gotten back to that and will stay there. However, I am stuck. In limbo. I want to be more than friends. I want my partner back, not a buddy. I have lots of friends already. I want love and affection.

He just texted me with something cute about baseball. I'm not going to respond. He probably thought my text yesterday was just out of anger, but it wasn't. I need to do my thing and he needs to miss me for a while. He has NEVER been without me in his corner and he needs a dose of what it will be like. If we split for good, I will not be friends with him. I can't. It would be too painful.