Wife abandoned me...Now What?

[Mike.4545]

I want to add something else and get feedback from everyone about it.

Sandi, there is still more above that I hope you read as I would greatly appreciate your input on it as well.

Our dinner/talk was the result of a letter I wrote her a couple days before. It basically said that I'm willing to spend the next six months or whatever time it takes in limbo, if it would allow her to get help for herself, discover what she needs to be happy, and get to a stable emotional base from which to make a decision on our marriage. That being said, I wrote that I was not willing to continue on this path if she just used the space to continue her affair or pursue any other relationship. I said that to do so, would be unfair to me and would just be stringing me along...and that I would not stand for it. I said that if I found out she was continuing her affair, that I would just get the divorce papers in order myself.

Well she said that she wasn't pursuing her relationship with the guy in Chicago, or with anybody else...but that she still knows that it is too late for us. She said she didn't want to lead me along and string out my suffering because her feelings hadn't changed in the 3 weeks that we'd been separated..."Well Duh," I thought...I didn't even think 3 weeks would be anywhere near the time needed for anything to change." She said she would contact a lawyer and figure out what needs to be done for the divorce. I was distraught over this as it seemed like she was basically saying "Well ok, I'm not ready to end my affair, I don't want to string you along, so lets get the divorce and I can run off with the OM and you can begin to move on for yourself."

I told her this is how her response read to me, and she told me that isn't what she was saying. She said she didn't know if she'd even ever talk to the OM again, and that she may in fact move to Florida (NOT CHICAGO WAHOO!) to be close to her sister's family. She said she really just wants to be alone, that she hasn't moved on from our relationship, that she isn't ready to be in another relationship yet, but that she also doesn't want me to wait for her since she doesn't think there is any hope because her feelings aren't changing yet.

Well I actually kind of believed her. She seemed very sincere that our marriage wasn't what she thought she needed, but also that another relationship isn't what she wants right now either...and was very concerned that I thought she wanted out to run after another guy. With that said, if she really didn't want to string me along while pursuing another relationship...then I didn't want her to start the divorce process...and I told her that. I told her it was just all too much for me to handle emotionally in such a short time period, and to hold off on any divorce actions so I could get in a more stable mindset to deal with it.

My reason for this action is this: If she really isn't screwing me over by pursuing an affair during this limbo period, then I wanted her to have more time to get help, more time to see what she's losing, more opportunity to realize that our marriage can be saved, and that she can get her feelings back for me. I felt that a divorce right now would be premature and would take away any chance we may have to save our marriage. Soooo...I don't think she's moving forward yet with the divorce and I think this is a good thing. What do you guys think? Was it a good idea to put that to a halt?