What I need to do for myself: + banish anger from my life + stop blaming others and my sitch for how I feel. Be responsible for my own emotions. + know my value and that whatever happens, I can handle it. + practice loving detachment + be the beacon of light + live by my values and beliefs
Goals: + WH abandons idea to move o/seas + WH gives up OW + WH decides he wants to be near his baby
How to achieve goals: + encourage maximum time between WH and baby + start looking like a sexy mum (get out of Pj's) + validate WH as the father + don't talk about WH to family and friends anymore + be confident
So a WAS can turn alien without becoming 'mean-mouthed'.
yep- my stbxh has NEVER said anything mean to me! I am thinking about BD and Gatsby's Hs and I don't recall them saying mean things to them, either. I guess because they all know they are soooo low for abandoning us while pregnant, right?
Well, Piano, I have to say that "being the better option" at least stalled my D. I mean stbxh (Sorry but I HAVE to call him that to get it through my head!) has admitted he has been uncertain this whole time. Of course he is still divorcing me but my goal was to make him want to come back to me, so at least he is uncertain about being with OW vs me, which means I had some impact, right?
So my point in telling you this is that it is certainly worth a try if you WANT to go for it. After all, there are other women on this board who used this method and it worked.
You have already exposed and gone NC...didn't help your sitch so we are supposed to do what works, right?
Something that has prevented me from being angry (even though I WANTED to be angry) is that I thought of how stbxh was going through some kind of surreal mental crisis. Will this help you do you think?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
My WH was never mean mouthed... or mean at all not even rude! I could be yelling and screaming and saying such awful things and he would just say ok, alright, dont work yourself up, please dont do this, im sorry... PUKE!
What I need to do for myself: + banish anger from my life + stop blaming others and my sitch for how I feel. Be responsible for my own emotions. + know my value and that whatever happens, I can handle it. + practice loving detachment + be the beacon of light + live by my values and beliefs
Goals: + WH abandons idea to move o/seas + WH gives up OW + WH decides he wants to be near his baby
How to achieve goals: + encourage maximum time between WH and baby + start looking like a sexy mum (get out of Pj's) + validate WH as the father + don't talk about WH to family and friends anymore + be confident
That's all I can think of for now!
YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thanks babydoll, lol! WH came to see bub for 40 mins today. I absented myself. Decided no interraction is better than bad interraction!
Not much to report other than WH did tell a family member that some important friends in Europe are refusing to see him when he goes there this week because of what he's done to me. Hmm.
I am so tempted to email WH and tell him to have a good flight on Wednesday. I've been seeing him off at the airport for 15 years now. Not this time... Gee, old habits die hard!
What I've been telling myself in order to remain calm today & not send WH any "last messages": 1. suffering is trying to control what we cannot control. So let go... 2. logic and words have failed so far to change WH's course, so don't go there!
If only I was able to put these two points into practice 6 months ago when the bomb was dropped and I had a much better chance of saving my marriage.
What's worrying me tonight is the idea that so many people are angry at WH for what he's done, that he'll never be able to come back because of the shame of it all.
My WH was never mean mouthed... or mean at all not even rude! I could be yelling and screaming and saying such awful things and he would just say ok, alright, dont work yourself up, please dont do this, im sorry... PUKE!
