lol!--I don't know that we're really "a thing" even now! that's the confusing part. can you be a "thing" 800 miles apart...even on a good day?!
oh, gosh no. he's not healed...altho much further along than a year ago. same for me. and he's not ready. I know that. but there's clearly something happening here, and it's good, and when he is ready...well, there's likely to be someone around and not 800 miles away.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
You KNOW he pulls back. We've been over that, and it's PREDICTABLE. When you pursue with a "flurry of e-mails," you blow the "cool, collected, confident New Hoozh" persona to whom he's been so attracted recently.
Man, I go on vacation for ONE WEEK and you start pursuing??? Sheeesh.
guess I've been getting my retribution from xH for not going along with his tax thing. in the form of complete lack of flexibility in getting d14 to places she needs to go. overwhelming sense of entitlement and the bluster of a toddler in his communication; I get the sense I'm dealing with a child. it's as if he thinks he's hurting me in his actions...in actuality, he IS inconveniencing me greatly because he knows I'll do whatever it takes to get her to where she needs to be (choir rehearsals, auditions, prep for the tour which begins Thursday)...which I will, because she can't exactly drive herself. this is so asinine.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
lol!--I don't know that we're really "a thing" even now!
Do you want you two to be a "thing" at this point?
Originally Posted By: hoosiermama
but there's clearly something happening here, and it's good, and when he is ready...well, there's likely to be someone around and not 800 miles away.
If there's clearly something happening and it's good - and I believe you on both counts - then there is no need to pursue! C'mon, hm, break out DB 101. Go a bit dark. Or Dim at least. Let it be. And it will be what it is meant to be.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
you're right, of course. the thing is, I don't even realize I'm pursuing until I look back and see the trail of emails I've left...without thinking.
do I want us to be a thing? yes. I do. I'm ready. I've known him for a long time--with a large gap there in the middle, but I know who he is. he's a good man, there's a lot of synchronicity. I don't have to know where it's going, I don't have to know THIS IS IT. I just want some possibility. it was there in the beginning, and I liked it, and then life happened and...it went into hiding. so. there it is.
I was never any good at db'ing...ask any of the old timers. xH left and never looked back, never waffled, never left the door open even a crack, so nothing I did in those early days had any effect at all. and after 7-8 months, I let go because it clearly wasn't moving. it wasn't MLC after all, it was an exit affair, he wanted out and wanted to be able to lay the blame on me. so...no db'ing had any effect at all. I'm as new to it as anyone else, really.
Last edited by hoosiermama; 06/21/1002:10 AM.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
I was never any good at db'ing...ask any of the old timers. xH left and never looked back, never waffled, never left the door open even a crack, so nothing I did in those early days had any effect at all. and after 7-8 months, I let go because it clearly wasn't moving. it wasn't MLC after all, it was an exit affair, he wanted out and wanted to be able to lay the blame on me. so...no db'ing had any effect at all. I'm as new to it as anyone else, really.
I hear ya. My exact sane sitch/DBing experience. Except the affair part. She was already long gone. Period.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
yeah, it feels like such insanity, doesn't it? and in my case, such a cliche--changed jobs/hospital systems and got a 35K raise, changed denominations, and left the marriage all in the space of 10 weeks. I supported him when he came out of the monastery, while he was in grad school and residency, and when...finally...our ship came in, he sailed without me because "he deserved better." I was a complete non-entity at that point. nothing I did was even going to get noticed, let alone any response.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
