Wife abandoned me...Now What?

[Mike.4545]

Hey Sandi...Yeah I think I've got a buddy that will be able to move in with me in August hopefully. This would be great as bills/mortgage are difficult on my own.

As far as No Contact with my wife...it's proving very difficult even when I know it could be a mistake to talk to her. Everyone tells me to stop contact with her as much as possible because it will push her away even more, make me look unattractive, weak, and needy...but when I've gone a week or two with little to no contact...she seems to pull away even further than when I do talk to her more regularly. She's very good at hiding herself from the pain and problems that we are dealing with when I'm not around. I think she feels a relief from it, and she sees that relief as a sign to her that she's doing the right thing by leaving, even without addressing our issues with me or with our counselor. Hell, her hiding from our issues is a major contributor in getting us to this point. She never sought help to deal with our problems in an effective way, and never let me know how much she was struggling. Since I was blind to everything, she was left to deal with all our crap on her own in a way that led to this mess...and I think the more space I give her, the more she is just falling back into this same mindset. It just doesn't seem productive at all.

I broke down and asked her to meet with me to talk about some stuff that has been bothering me. I just have so many unanswered questions and confusions that I want explained otherwise I feel like I'd go insane. I just can't walk away not knowing certain things. She has maintained that she feels it's too late for our relationship to survive, but said she wants to help in any way possible to make this whole ordeal easier on me. It doesn't seem at all like she's trying to keep a foot in the door with me while she tries out something different...it really seems like she just cares about my well being and wants me to be ok with what happens. I know that sounds stupid in a way because she is the one causing it all, but maybe she just feels real bad about what she's doing even though she thinks it's still in our best interests.

We met for dinner and then had a talk afterwords at our house. It was pleasant and went well...and after the talk she seemed optimistic again about going back to our counselor...which I see as a very good thing because as I tell her, I think we both need to find peace for ourselves and our relationship whether it ends or not. I think that our counselor could help each of us with that. We hadn't talked much in a couple weeks the last time I brought up the counselor...and she didn't really think she would go back. This time, I've been in more regular contact with her about our situation...and after our last talk, she's going to go back to the counselor...although by herself again. I just don't know what the hell is going on. Our conversations are real nice and caring...we don't fight or argue...and they actually seem to help her snap out of her emotionless daze...So I don't know if I really should stop talking to her. She thanked me and said she is really impressed with how I've handled everything thus far, and that she wished she had half the strength I do for dealing with our situation...so it seems like my continued contact isn't making me look weak and unattractive...but I guess she could be saying that just to make me feel better.

I just don't really know what to do now. It just seems like the more space she is given...the easier it is for her to hide from everything and walk away. When we actually talk things out is really the only time I've seen slight improvements as far as getting her to continue professional help.

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!