And here I am .... H's MLC ....

[PEI]

Hi all,

I'm having a strange couple of days. I find myself very detached, at a point where I really don't even want him around much. Tonight when he told me he was going to stay at his sister's after the kids went to bed I think he expected a reaction ... all he got was "ok, see ya". I did give him his Father's Day Card but I lightened it up with a very casual "Hope you had a great day, T" at the end. And although the original plan that the kids and I had was to go as a family to a park and fly kites, we actually didn't really spend any amount of time together - he napped after golf, and I sent the kids in to wake him after an hour or so, and once he cleared the room, I went in and rested for an hour or so while he was out in the back field with the kids and the kites. We did make and eat supper together, and then got the kids ready for bed and off he went.

The other thing I didn't expect, is that I've begun to spend a lot of time thinking about my needs and the fact that I deserve a willing partner who respects and cares about me and my needs. I'm no longer focussed on H as that person, but really focussed more on a check list of sorts - 'must haves' for a partner ... and I'm really understanding that he is not capable of meeting my needs as it stands right now. And maybe never. I've grown so much and have so much to offer ...

I've also decided that after our last 'encounter' I think I'm done with the intimacy. After reading Cat's post I faced what I was really feeling about how it played out. It hasn't been like that all along but this one left me feeling really empty. I won't blame him, I participated willingly, but I don't want to feel like that again. I'll spare y'all the details, but let's just say it was very one sided and brief.

Anyway, now that he's gone for the evening, I feel good. Do I ultimately know how this is going to play out ... NO ... but I do know I am ready for the rules to change again, and this time I'm not scared of his next move. The only thing that frightens me now is how detached I feel (it was unexpected) and whether or not I'm becoming a WAW.

Peace
PEI