Most recent update: I had my daughter call my H for father's day (we are still away at my mom's house) - for some reason my daughter (age 4.5) insisted we talk so we did briefly. He was cordial but short. I asked if we could talk to his dad (thought he was living with parents) and he said he wasn't with his dad. This is a big deal - his family is VERY family oriented and it's huge to not be there on father's day.
So, we called my father-in-law to tell him happy father's day. He was excited to hear from us. Then he passed the phone off to my mother in law who asked us how we were doing - then made a comment that made me realize my H was not living there. She said "I don't know where he is and don't expect him to contact us."
I think this means they ran a firm line with him regarding the A (it's against what they stand for and they are terrified of not having their gdaugther near). My H decided to leave. So, I have no idea where he is staying. The only support system he likely still has is his male friends in the area and OW. I think OW still lives with her parents, so I doubt he's staying there. No $$ have been leaving our accounts, and his phone records are next to nothing (it even makes me wonder if he has an alternatve phone, but not sure how I would ever find that out).
You know, part of me is starting to waiver on how committed I am to making this work - I have been treated so poorly by him that I'm not sure it's worth my energy to invest in him. I sometimes look at it like "for better and for worse" and then the next minute I remind myself that he broke the contract, not me. I wonder if this is a normal way to feel sometimes while you're going through this . . . if even people who eventually affair bust feel like throwing in the towel.
