Made it halfway through chapter five. Leaving now so Dan doesn't show up with kids before I can get out of the house.
Going to Borders, getting a Latte and looking for a book for my final project in this class.
Too much thinking while studying. Not really thinking, but noticing. Watched a few tv shows I had dvr'd while I worked. One was a commercial for dairies, for the dairy foundation or something. Anyway a little boy about 10 was talking about his future raising cows. How he wanted to grow up and take over the cattle/dairy from his dad. Made me think of Nathan. Even showed the kid and his sister sitting in camp chairs in a big barn somewhere, like the kids and I always went with Dan to livestock shows and fairs. You hang out all day in the show barn, surrounded by hundreds of people with cattle, bedding hay, feed, grooming chutes, fans, etc. I can smell it...I didn't realize how much I missed that stuff.
Then I was watching my favorite show ever Friday Night Lights. One character rents a trailer froma woman whose husband left her and her high school daughter. He came back for a visit (he's a trucker) and the guy character overheard the dad talking on the phone. He had a gf in another state who had a baby by him. He was going to marry her but hadn't even told his wife and daughter about them...
Then another character, a high school kid, missed school to help his dad build fence. Seriously I saw a kid holding a fence stretcher--yes it is a real thing--and remembered Dan redoing his grandma's fence at the farm. I would come out and watch him work and bring him cold water and we would talk. And on and on...because the show is based in Texas there were some atmosphere shots of rolling pasture and cattle, much like when we went to visit Dan's partner/friend Charlie all the time in hill country. Ugh.
So getting out of the house and out of my memories. Thought about going out to see the cows I am sure Dan isn't there as he has the kids and it is rainy/muddy. But that would just make me sadder I think. So going to Borders...
Can you tell I am entering that week of tears some women enjoy? Ugh.........
