OK good, she's just in withdrawal.. it DOES pass... you have to think of her like a child right now... When you tell a child NO, they get VERY ANGRY.. you get every nasty name hurled at you, you think it will never get any better.. but it does...
You just have to ride it out and NOT let it GET TO YOU.. tha'ts your weakness QS, you let her addiction rage GET to YOU.. its just addiction and you can't take it personally... got it?
Ride it out... Just keep Other men away from her, get her family talking to her and coaxing her to stabilize her lifestyle...
She specifically said "Every day that I don't talk to him I just get angrier and angrier at you. I can't believe you took a friend away from me. You should have come to me FIRST. I was the one that initiated all the sex chat. I can NEVEr trust you again".
But keeping her from dating, ESPECIALLY from meeting guys her friends set her up with is going to be hard. I mean for all I know when she's out somewhere, she could be on a date with one of her friends' buddies, and next thing I know they click and I am back to square 1.
You are right, I do let her get to me, but I do not OUTWARDLY show it. But I am getting BETTER at distancing myself. It just takes time.
I REPEATEDLY tell myself in front of her "Control your emotions and don't let them control YOU". I stay CALM and say what was told to me.
I then leave the conversation at a time of my choosing, and let my emotions out PRIVATELY. I feel them, and then let them go. I read divorce remedy, I remind myself not to lose hope, and to not believe anything I hear and half of what I see.
All SHE sees is a calm, level-headed person who is doing things he never has before. And right now it is making her madder than I have ever seen.
Last edited by Quicksilver264; 06/20/1010:27 PM.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
She specifically said "Every day that I don't talk to him I just get angrier and angrier at you. I can't believe you took a friend away from me. You should have come to me FIRST. I was the one that initiated all the sex chat. I can NEVEr trust you again".
But keeping her from dating, ESPECIALLY from meeting guys her friends set her up with is going to be hard. I mean for all I know when she's out somewhere, she could be on a date with one of her friends' buddies, and next thing I know they click and I am back to square 1.
You are right, I do let her get to me, but I do not OUTWARDLY show it. But I am getting BETTER at distancing myself. It just takes time.
I REPEATEDLY tell myself in front of her "Control your emotions and don't let them control YOU". I stay CALM and say what was told to me.
I then leave the conversation at a time of my choosing, and let my emotions out PRIVATELY. I feel them, and then let them go. I read divorce remedy, I remind myself not to lose hope, and to not believe anything I hear and half of what I see.
All SHE sees is a calm, level-headed person who is doing things he never has before. And right now it is making her madder than I have ever seen.
At least your not "teaching" her that its OK, like many of us. Bravo. Her feelings are inverted, those anger feelings should be feelings of love for you. The same amount of anger should be the same amount of attraction and love to you.
The affair messed it up. Now how to get her flipped back. Maybe you can take her out of town on a weekend getaway or something and blow her mind.
Wow, some friends... where are you at with her parents?
Her parents absolutely do NOT want to see a divorce. But every time she talks to them and they say ANYTHING about it, or mention me, she gets extremely angry.
She literally wants nothing to do with me, and
"I can't wait to see him get served with the papers. I want to be there to see the look on his face". is what she has said to them.
Gosh its hard to see all this anger ever dissipating. She holds onto anger and grudges for YEARS and YEARS. I mean she still is furious with her sister for things that happened 10-15 years ago.
She NEVER lets things go.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
Wow, some friends... where are you at with her parents?
Her parents absolutely do NOT want to see a divorce. But every time she talks to them and they say ANYTHING about it, or mention me, she gets extremely angry.
She literally wants nothing to do with me, and
"I can't wait to see him get served with the papers. I want to be there to see the look on his face". is what she has said to them.
Gosh its hard to see all this anger ever dissipating. She holds onto anger and grudges for YEARS and YEARS. I mean she still is furious with her sister for things that happened 10-15 years ago.
She NEVER lets things go.
If she continues to hold it, eventually she's not going to be worth it and your going to move on understanding this had no bearing on you as a man.
I have never seen anger so deep from her as I have now.
I have. The anger is focused on you because blaming you for everything is easier. Anger feels enabling, you feel stronger than you would feeling guilty or sad.
It's another part of grieving too, and it's something you may go through yourself from time to time, but try to keep things in perspective.
This is one of the things that going dark helps with. As she heaps all of this horrid anger on you, you will get closer and closer to tossing in the towel for good yourself.
Pulling back and going dark until you heal allows you to reach healthy perspective.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Gosh its hard to see all this anger ever dissipating. She holds onto anger and grudges for YEARS and YEARS. I mean she still is furious with her sister for things that happened 10-15 years ago.
She NEVER lets things go.
Another character flaw. An affair and harboring resentment. What's not to like.
I will pray for her to find a path that leads to greater strength and compassion, but ... those paths are usually terrible paths to have to follow.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I checked the phone records from last night while I was out, and she called the Facebook guy. It was only a short call, probably just to leave a message. HOWEVER, she still seems to be really hung up on this guy.
I also checked her text messages, and she texted one of her girl friends right after the call "my heart is pounding, I left a message, when should I call again".
How long does the hangup with the OM usually last? It's been 2 weeks since shes had any contact FROM him, yet she continues to message him, text him, and call him.
I think she is seriously infatuated with this guy, and thinks he is going to be boyfriend material and someone she wants a relationship with during the divorce.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
Even without a return call or TM from the guy, HER contacting him sets her withdrawal "clock" back to 0:00 each time she does it. Ditto each time she talks ABOUT him to her girlfriend.
WITHOUT these things, you can expect "hard withdrawal" (a near-depressive state) to last 2-4 weeks, and TOTAL withdrawal to last 3-12 months, depending on the depth of their emotional attachment.
