Stuck and don't know how to proceed

[sportsfan]

I want to know how :

1. He moved out, moved in with another woman, AND introduced him to his own mother and YOU were completely in the dark about all of this?
2. Why aren't you talking with his MIL? Have you confronted his MIL NOW about her enabling his infidelity?
3. Why on earth aren't the two of you in FAMILY THERAPY?

Individual Therapy is NOT going to solve MARITAL problems... I have argued on this forum earlier many times that IC can OFTEN make marital problems WORSE...

You need to update your signature with the FULL status of your husband.. is he living with OW? On his own, living with his mother?

Believe me, I have beat myself up enough about being stupid and/or naive when it comes to him and OW2. He was so wonderful the first 15 years of our relationship that it clouded my judgment and probably still is. I control all the money and there was never any charges out of the ordinary. He works two jobs and spent a good amount of time with me, including holidays. He initially moved in with a friend of his. I concentrated on me.

His mother never really liked me and I didn't have to see her much. She is a very odd person and she didn't even have enough strength to keep his father from emotionally and verbally abusing him from age 8 to 18. He is an only child and they never took a vacation, never gave him a birthday party and never even gave him a birthday cake. Very sad. It seemed to me that he worked through all of that by the time we were married. His father even warmed up to him and treated me beautifully until the day he died. Those are the issues he is working on in IC.

I haven't confronted his mother. I don't see the point now. She is elderly and frankly not very bright. H has been living with her since the OW2 threw him out. I have verified that he is alone. No OW at this time.

When H first told me he was unhappy in 2005 we went to MC. Unfortunately, the MC was awful and a complete waste of time. We went to one session in May of 2008 with an MC recommended by my IC. He asked to work with H one on one for a while and then bring me back in. Believe it or not, the IC was the one who suggested we separate. Then H stopped going to IC and started dating OW2.

Yesterday I spent the entire day with girlfriends at a lake party. H was the designated driver and picked us up. He went to this annual party with me last year, but I didn't invite him this time. He has gone to church with me a couple of times since Easter, which he has never done. He said he had a rough day at work today so didn't want to go to dinner with my Dad and family. H knows my family is disgusted with him, but they still love him, too. I responded to his text (we hate talking on the phone) the following, "U win. I give up."

And now I'm going dark. Please help on what exactly going dark means. I have an idea, but I could use all the support I can get. I hope this post gives everyone a better idea of what my sitch is.